Seven months ago, I left Capitol Hill, in part because I didn't fit in with the culture. I worked in the Senate for a moderate Democrat, a fundamentally good and honest man. There I witnessed firsthand what we all know about how corrupted the policy process is by lobbyists.
The place stinks. The glad-handing, fake laughing, cigar-smoking, the meetings with men who treat you as old friends the second time you see them, I couldn't deal with it. It was bad enough to suffer, watching in horror as legislation hurting women, children, families, workers, minorities, basically everybody, passed. Time after time after time.
As Congress goes about its business, both sides, Republicans and Democrats are living it up. Drinking at swanky martini bars on lobbyist tabs. Hanging out with officemates-turned-lobbyists and having dinner and drinks on their corporate card. Lobbyist lunches galore. I certainly had my taste of this "good life." Though often for myself and my Democratic, I think liquor just helps us forget about what's happening on our watch.
Appropriations whores were the most vile of the lobbyists. The worst of them weren't even subtle. They'd invite me to their swanky conference room, and there'd be a pile of free crap, maybe a coffee mug, a hat or shirt, whatever, and a folder with my name on it. We'd sit down, and they'd invite the client in to talk sweet talk us while we ate roast chicken and rice pilaf.
Then the client would leave, and the lobbyists would shut the door and give a conspiratorial "thank god they're gone" laugh. Then they'd blather on about how busy they know we are and how much they are willing to help in any way to get what they want.
Need legislative language? No problem.
Got some form to fill out? We'd be happy to do those for you.
I'm supposed to hand your company a million dollars. For some shitty chicken and a company baseball cap? In my mind I played out these conversations with the lobbyists:
Me: So, you want to build an aquarium to teach monkeys to swim.
Lobbyist: Well, clearly this is a valuable project that will contribute not only to the good people of [my boss' state] but all Americans. And, if you help us, we'll give you some more delicious chicken.
Me: More chicken! Well why didn't you fucking say so. Shit. You guys need anything else?
Lobbyist: Rookies. DeLay's people hold out for lobster stuffed with tacos.
It always saddened me when I'd meet clients who are so obviously wasting their money. Groups who could have gotten a meeting without a lobbyist, and who had no chance of getting what they wanted. It was heartbreaking to have to constantly say no to homeless shelters and business development centers. Small organizations with no concept of how Washington and the legislative process, groups who were talked into paying a lobbyist thousands of dollars to arrange a meeting, and to make a couple follow-up calls. Now they're not getting their project and they're out the money they gave some slick-talking dipshit.
So I left, and now find myself in New Orleans, a cog in the machine of recovery.
People often ask me if I would go back to the Hill.
Not this year. Not until we throw the bums out. Even then, as I (and we all) fantasize about a Democratic Congress, I wonder whether anything would actually change. With the intersection of money, unethical politicians and an enormous government obviously a market for influence developed.
Can the Democrats bring reform to that? Do they have the will and the leadership? This is what I want to talk out at YearlyKos. What do you want to talk about?