A few days ago, Bush and Blair were caught having a conversation while a microphone was still transmitting sound.
I found a transcript of this conversation on a British newspaper site. Much to my surprise what the British Press reported hearing, and what Bush and Blair actually said on the video are dramatically different from what I heard.
So as a service to all I have transcribed as best I can word for word the conversation the two men really had.
Bush: Yo, Blair. How are you doin'?
Blair: I'm just wondering if I could hop in your lap, I'm kind of stressed at the moment. . .
Bush: TB you're cute but now is the time and this is not the place
Blair: (audible dog whining) No, no, no, why always no. (inaudible)It's been ages since you let me do anything seriously doggie other than sniff your patootie.
Bush: Yeah, Tell you what, later on, you can get 10 extra minutes on my lap. It will be just me and you, and I'll even have copy of the latest BBC news brought in for you to relieve yourself on doggy style!!!
Blair: Did you like the sweater I picked out for you. I spent all day in disguise at Herrods looking for just the right one to show you how I feel about you.
Bush: Ah so that explains the sequins, black leather cowboy style fringe and rainbow pattern. I thought it was weird when I got it, but now. It's cool!
Blair: I'm so glad you like it. So can I lick your cojones. After I'm done licking my own. (exciting panting becomes constant throughout Blair's comments).
Bush: Look Blairboy, I know it's a dog thing, but I'm not a dog, and frankly neither are you. I'm fine with role playing but this licking thing you want to do is a bit much dontcha think?
Blair: I'm sorry Bushie, I do so love playing poodle.... It's hard to stop from getting lost in it.
Bush: Yeah, ok cool. Hey when did you learn espanole?
Blair: Oh I picked it up from Calderon. When he was asking me how I get along so well with you. When I told him, he said that word. It' much more sonorous than our vulgar English equivalent. I really liked it.....
Bush: Ah yes, he's one feisty Chihuahua. Without him our little dog pack would be humorless bunch. don't you just love how he goes "andele andele" just like speedy gonzalez (Bush can be heard laughing, Blair can be heard happily yipping along)
Blair: Oh Bushy, you're so right....Oh, here comes Putin, can I growl at him? I still can't believe he turned down your offer to become one of the pack! He wants his own pack. Who ever heard of such a thing. A dog in control. I personally can't imagine a more ideal existence than as your poodle! So can I growl? Can I?
Bush: Yeah but just a bit, nothing over the top. The last thing we need is a full-fledged dogfight at the G8 summit. Besides he and I had it out last night, and he won't play by the rules. He refuses to be a dog like you Blair.
Blair: Gasp! That's outrageous, But that's, that's.....
Bush Yeah, yeah. He gave me some great vodka though. So all is forgiven.
Blair: If Putin had any brains, he'd immediately become part of your pack of lapdogs. He could instantly resurrected lost Russian dignity, (pant pant) Just as I did for the UK. My people don't get it yet, but one day they will. Ummm can I have that bone in the steak after you're done?
Bush: Sure Buddy boy, You've been the best poodle an American President could have. You're even better than the Democrats when it comes to doing tricks like rolling over and playing dead.
Blair: Oh goodie goodie my wonderful Georgie, does this mean you'll consider sending me on a scouting mission to the MidEast to assess the situation for you? I can lay the groundwork for follow-up missions.
Bush: Blair my boy you I think you're far better as a complacent lapdog. diplomacy isn't your forte. Besides, I've experienced how you like to "lay groundwork." All you do is dig holes everywhere, that Condi has to fill up later.
Blair: Syria, maybe you can send me to Syria. A few holes in the ground might help out there?
Bush: Why?
Blair: Oh Bushy, holes get it, holes created by huge 2000lb bombs. I could create a pretext for you to bomb Syria into the Stone age and free it for Democracy. (yipping and happy dog sounds ensue).
Bush: Yeah, the idea makes me just as happy as you, but remember even this big dog has a master to answer to.
Blair: What! Surely they wouldn't object to that!
Bush: Yeah, you think so huh. Well let me tell you something Blair, they are pre-occupied strategizing the MidEast situation, to be able to spend quality time ensuring we do such a thing correctly.
Blair: Oh honey, you're right. I guess they'll call us when they're ready for us to go.
Bush: You know have you ever thought of offering Kofi a place in your lapdog pack? Of course I got the poodle slot, but perhaps he could be a yorkie or a even a Pomeranian. That would be incredibly flattering. I bet he wouldn't refuse.
Bush: Oh yes sir, just what I need an "African wild dog." They're nippers and too new to domestication to be trustworthy. I want obedience, you're forte. If I could add a new dog to my pack it would be Chinese anyway..... Hey Blair my boy, why'd you want to be a poodle, ain't they French? How come not a English bulldog. Now that's a feisty breed, and tough too.
Blair: Oh yeah, they are, and also quite ugly. I'm too cooote to be an English Bulldog, I'm just so much more naturally a poodle.
Bush: Whatever you say Blair is good with me!
Blair: Back to China, are you sure you want to add a Pekingese. They might not get on well with our Japanese Chin.
Bush: They'll get along because I will tell them too. Besides the neo-cons have told me it's the right thing to do. That's why they've been pushing me to ignore Israel's efforts to sell China with all sorts of military high-tech we developed.
Blair: Oh well then it's decided. I best be getting to work on making a place for them.
Bush: Don't rush. Pekingese are very independent. They could end up being like Putin
Blair:(audible whine) oh no, don't say that please. I hate him I just want to pee on his leg.
Bush: Hah speaking of peeing, I understand that they found a nice stand of ancient Lebanese cedars up in the hills there. Maybe I should send you there to pee on them as an official sign to the Lebanese telling them just how seriously we take their problem. (chuckles from both men can be heard)
Blair: Oh yippie I would go.... Uh, (tap tap can be heard on the microphone) oh no. Microphone clicks off.
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Humor is one of the most potent weapons in the Repugnican arsenal.
Unfortunately the left never gets it, because we're too smart for stupid jokes.
Which is all the more fortunate for them, because we're not the audience.
The mostly undecided, passive centrist, independent voters who do get the jokes are their audience.
When you get someone "laughing with" you, you open up their mind.
When you get someone to "laughing at" you. You close their mind.
For many Limbaugh, Hannity and Coulter are a barrel of laughs. They "get" them because they are always making them laugh.
Any serious argument against sacred positions of the left, 0is peppered with bitingly sarcastic jokes ridiculing it. All Short, sweet, sharp as a dagger designed to make the listener laugh, AT Progressive and Liberal beliefs.
The solution is simple, and it is NOT to join in the laughter, since we are being "laughed at." Rather, the answer is to be quick on our feet, and reply with a "humorous" comment poking "fun" at the Right Wing position. Said with a disarming smile.
Now you know why Right Wingers never laugh at jokes poking fun at their positions.
If you got a chuckle out of my verbatim transcript - great. If you didn't write your own and create something useful out the effort you would have put into writing a comment telling me how not funny I am. LOL :-)