Washington, DC (Snark) -- Former Democrat Joe Lieberman (CFL-CT) and his longtime partner in monitoring public morality, Lynne Cheney, wife of VP Dick Cheney and noted author of historical lesbian erotica, issued a statement praising Iraq's recent progress. Lieberman and Cheney have worked together to condemn public expressions of sex, religious and academic tolerance, and other "dangers to public morality" (with the exception, thankfully, of historical lesbian erotica).
"Due to the popularity of American troops and values in Iraq, what appeared limited to a six-week or even six-month engagement, has been extended yet again, much like that great American play,
Cats," said Cheney and Lieberman. "We take pride in seeing Iraqis of all ethnic, cultural, and religious stripes come together in the public square to discuss important topics of public morality like sex and religion, and settling them by shooting each other, blowing each other up, and using Baghdad's newly-increased electricity to power electric drills that can be used as weapons in the war against non-believers. Anyone who would stop short of brutalizing random innocent civilians clearly does not care about their beliefs enough to force them upon other people, and probably belongs with the rest of the hippies in the Democratic party."
Lieberman and Cheney have been good friends ever since working together in the '90s at the American Council of Trustees and Alumni (h/t Paul Loeb), in an effort to reduce the liberal bias of the academic world, including a reliance on facts and rational thinking. Their latest statement comes on the heels of an NPR report (h/t Digby/poputonian) describing how conservative religious clerics have encouraged violence against shepherds whose goats cavort naked, lewdly, in front of innocent and suggestible men of faith, who are tempted by their brazen displays, and against grocers whose vegetable displays call to mind male genitalia, by permitting produce with long curved shafts to reside near delicious round fresh orbs. Both shepherds and grocers have been killed for their sins, reports NPR.
"Some people say Iraq is full of wanton, senseless violence, and that it is only getting worse," said Lieberman. "Those people see the glass half-empty. I prefer to see Iraq as full of targeted, religiously motivated violence, in support of fundamentalist religious views that everyone must respect and tolerate. People are killing each other because of their faith, and it would be an expression of religious bigotry and intolerance to deter them from exercising their religious beliefs, even and especially if it means letting them kill not just each other, but totally random people. To limit them would be terrorism of the worst form: the terrorism of political superiority and secularism. That, to me, would be the greatest offense in the world."
When told that over two thousand American soldiers had been killed in Iraq, and tens of thousands of Iraqis had died, many women and children, many after being tortured, Lieberman sighed. "You say that like it's a bad thing," he said. "In sadness more than anger, I must say that is typical of the liberal media elite, to misunderstand what is truly important. Dick Cheney was right: freedom is meaningless without the freedom to kill anyone you want. When he says Democrats are soft on terrorism because they won't let Americans and Iraqis prove how much they love their countries and their gods by sacrificing themselves and each other in the name of their religions, it makes me want to stand up and applaud. Or cry tears of joy that he understands the moral complexity of the twenty-first century and its conflicts."
The Second Lady agreed. "I think it's symbolic of the American left's absurd taste for tolerance and support for Islamic terrorism that they would rather see a naturally violent and warlike people at peace instead of fulfilling their religious fantasies by killing each other in bursts of random violence. Plus, by keeping women at home and inside more often, they'll be isolated and alone with each other, all the more likely to read my new series of lesbian erotica, set in a repressive Middle Eastern country where the men were men and the goats were afraid. My publisher has already promised to make the cover entirely black so it blends into the folds of a plain burqa."
A spokesman for the Baghdad clerics, when asked for comment, replied that there would be a fatwa put out on both the Zionist and the pornographer, although he sympathized with Dick Cheney for having such a friend and wife.