After careful review of numerous far-left television ads, radical web sites, and subversive literature delivered outside the official postal system, President for Life Bush has declared all Democratic Candidates in the fall elections to be Enemy Combatants.
Our Supreme Leader stated "These terrorist enablers were fighting us over here. Their brazen admission that they were the enemies of this Administration could no longer be tolerated under our system of government." A reporter who asked for a definition of that system was quickly escorted from the room by security guards.
More on the flip.
The Candidates could not be reached for comment - officials of the Homeland Security Department stated that they all had gone on "vacation" with their extended families. In an odd departure from past practice campaign staffs would not to respond to press inquiries. In fact, no trace could be found of any of them.
Legal Scholars would not comment for the record. We did find one who was willing to state off-the-record that any candidate/combatant who wanted to challenge their new status would have to present themselves to the courts. Homeland Security officials commented that this would happen "when donkeys fly."
The Glorious Leader has requested that all news outlets refrain from reporting candidate/combatant names to avoid "confusion." A high ranking Homeland Security official did say that since spouses and children, were also on "vacation" that it would irresponsible to say more. "It would be unfortunate if anything happened to those people, you know like accidental. Just saying."
In a related story, the No Child Left Behind law was ammended to require students to submit statements to their Teachers noting if their parents or friends have made any positive statements about campaign materials for Democrat Candidates. Student statements will be checked against NSA records. Teachers whose students do not report on family members at an acceptable rate will be deignated "needs improvement" and remanded for collective re-education at undisclosed locations.
Upon departure from the podium where his wisdom was recieved the Press game our Dear Leader a 25 minute standing ovation.