As I have said in a companion diary, The Godfather, Monica Goodling, and Paul McNulty: Cue Frank Pentangeli!: Everything--well, almost everything--you need to know about the Bush Crime Family you can learn from The Godfather.
The hospital bed incident with Alberto Gonzales and John Ashcroft is reminiscent of a portion of The Godfather...
I. The Godfather
Don Corleone is shot and is recovering in the hospital from an attempted assassination attempt by the Sollozzo Crime Family. There are supposed to be armed Corleone Crime Family members at his bedside, and protecting the entrances to the hospital. Michael Corleone goes to the hospital and notices that all the Family members have been sent away.
source: 'The Godfather' PSP screen capture
Michael and a visitor named Enzo, move Don Corleone's bed from the room and hide it in another.
Captain McCluskey sees Michael Corleone in front of the hospital:
Capt. McCluskey: I thought I got all you Guinea hoods locked up! What the hell are you doing here?
Michael: What happened to the men who were guarding my father, Captain?
Capt. McCluskey: I pulled them guys off of here, eh, now get away from this hospital!
Michael: I'm not leaving until you put some guards around my father's room.
Capt. McCluskey: Phil, take him in!
Cop with Capt. McCluskey outside hospital: The kid's clean Captain, he's a war hero! He's never been mixed up with the rackets...
Capt. McCluskey: Goddamn it Phil, I said take him in!
Michael: What's the Turk paying you to set up my father, Captain?
Capt. McCluskey: [to Patrolmen] Take a hold of him. Stand him up. Stand him up straight. [punches Michael and breaks his jaw]
source for dialogue
As McCluskey is hitting Michael, Tom Hagen the consigliere to the Corleone Crime Family confronts McCluskey.
After a Family Meeting around the Corleone's table, Michael volunteers to do his first hit of Captain McNulty and Sollozzo. The meeting is set up in a restaurant in the Bronx. As they eat, Michael and Sollozzo speak briefly:
Michael: What I want - what's most important to me - is that I have a guarantee: No more attempts on my father's life.
Sollozzo: What guarantees could I give you, Mike? I am the hunted one! I missed my chance. You think too much of me, kid - I'm not that clever. All I want, is a truce.
Michael excuses himself and retrieves the gun hidden in the bathroom. From that point, it goes rather swimmingly: Solozzo takes one bullet between the eyes, and Captain McCluskey takes one in the throat and a second between his eyes:
II. John Ashcroft
As Kargo X quotes the testimony given earlier this week by Comeny before the Senate Judiciary Committee:
Comey: So I hung up the phone, immediately called my chief of staff, told him to get as many of my people as possible to the hospital immediately. I hung up, called [FBI] Director Mueller, with whom I'd been discussing this particular matter and who'd been a great help to me over that week, and told him what was happening. He said, "I'll meet you at the hospital right now." I told my security detail that I needed to get to George Washington Hospital immediately. They turned on the emergency equipment and drove very quickly to the hospital. I got out of the car and ran up -- literally ran up the stairs with my security detail...
Sen. Schumer: What was your concern? You were in, obviously, a huge hurry.
Comey: I was concerned that given how ill I knew the Attorney General was, that there might be an effort to ask him to overrule me, when he was in no condition to do thatSchumer: Right.
Comey: I was worried about him, frankly. So I raced to the hospital room, entered, and Mrs. Ashcroft was standing by the hospital bed. Mr. Ashcroft was lying down in the bed, the room was darkened. And I immediately began speaking to him, trying to orient him as to time and place, and try to see if he could focus on what was happening. And it wasn't clear to me that he could. He seemed pretty bad off.
Schumer: And at that point it was you, Mrs. Aschroft and the Attorney General, and maybe medical personnel in the room. No other Justice Department or government officials.
Comey: It was just the three of us at that point. I tried to see if I could help him get oriented. As I said, it wasn't clear that I had succeeded. I went out in the hallway, spoke to Director Mueller by phone. He was on his way. He handed the phone to the director of the security detail, and Director Mueller instructed the FBI agents present not to allow me to be removed from the room under any circumstances. And I went back in the room.
The narrative should be apparent to the reader. In the instant case, Don Corleone is John Ashcroft; Captain McCluskey is Alberto Gonzales; James Comey as Michael Corleone (?); Tom Hagen is Robert Mueller. (It is somewhat unfortunate that McNulty was not McCluskey since I have been typing McNulty with each McCluskey reference!)
The only open question is the subject of the poll below. I believe that the Sollozzo character is played by Dick Cheney. Considering the fact that Alberto is incapable of having a bowel movement without getting permission from the White House, and considering that the NSA wiretapping program has Cheney stench all over it, it makes sense that Cheney would order the 'hit' on a bed-ridden Ashcroft, and that he would send Alberto over to carry out his orders.
However, others might argue that Karl Rove sent his boy over since many believe all roads lead to Rove. Another theory would be that Arlen Specter or Orrin Hatch of the Judiciary Committee advised Alberto that they could more easily get the legislation through Committee if a comatose Ashcroft scratched an X on a piece of paper. Other suspects may come to mind, and if the reader has an alternative, please explain in the comments.