I think maybe it's time to bring back an old and honored tradition whereby men of "honor" - I use the word here very loosely - used to settle disputes, debts, jealousies, affronts or just plain old hatreds for one another. I speak, of course, in praise of dueling. Affairs of honor. It is said that James Monroe would have challenged John Adams had Adams not been President at the time but I think we could safely wave that silly stipulation now. In times of war great sacrifices are expected from our public servants. And I know it cost the republic a great man a couple of hundred years ago when Burr shot Hamilton but it's time nonetheless to bring it back in hopes of turning the circle 180 degrees and ridding the republic of a scoundrel. Andrew Jackson and Henry Clay also took part in duels.
Now I know our President, that posturing little prick, with all his swagger and pretense to a frontier "cowboy" mentality wouldn't be opposed to standing for his honor. He could even wear his flight suit. What better way to secure his "legacy" than by putting himself in such illustrious historical company. And I think it reasonable to assume that were he asked he would have no trouble at all convincing that newly independent Senator from the great state of Connecticut to be his second. You have to have a second. It's the rules.
His opponent would be somebody who I am not sure, but probably is a safe bet to be just itching for a fight. The newly seated Senator from Virginia James Webb. After all it was all he could do the other Sunday on Beat the Press to keep from strangling the good Senator form Arkansas I believe. But I might be wrong. He'd also need a second. I propose Hillary.
Then there is the choice of weapons. Swords are cool befitting the code of honor for duelists but the NRA would have to be appeased so semi-automatic pistols would probably be the best. The perfect weapon for home protection and hunting and just about everyone has one.
Now we need a day and time. The fourth of July has unfortunately come and gone and we really can't wait for another one to roll around so I propose tomorrow at dawn. This thing needs to be settled. Webb has waited far too long for satisfaction for the insulting behavoir Bush exhibited when Webb asked him to begin winding the war in Iraq down and begin bringing the troops home. At the time Webb's son was in Iraq. He may still be there. One of the few who actually has a relative in the battle ground.
I am pretty sure of the outcome. The Decided in Chief is a miserable failure at everything he has taken part in. So the outcome would be assured. Now somebody just has to arrange for Webb to run into His Majesty tonight and make sure he's wearing gloves cos' I think the rules call for a smack across the face while issuing the challenge. Maybe Michael Moore could film the whole thing. Call it Doing the Republic a Great Service.