Department of Utter Nonsense
Memorandum
To: ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, WASHINGTON POST, New York Times
From: MrHinkyDink
Date: October 2, 2007
Subject: Branding the war with Iran
The corporate office sent word that the war with Iran is now on the schedule. It is now time to start thinking about how to brand this new war. "War with Iran" has not tested well and the higher-ups are looking for a catchy new slogan that people can rally around.
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"Showdown With Saddam" tested through the roof on the last war, but it had a nice ring to it. It was almost poetic. Unfortunately, "Showdown With Ahmadinejad" doesn’t roll off the tongue quite so easily. In fact, studies show that 93% of Americans can’t even pronounce "Ahmadinejad."
Corporate recommends that slogans referencing the Iranian leader’s name should concentrate on the first name, "Mahmoud," as in "Mêlée with Mahmoud." We need at least 5 solid ideas centered around "Mahmoud." Studies show that Americans have an easier time accepting a war, if it’s tied to someone they hate.
Since Iranians are also known to be Persians, corporate would also like to see some ideas involving the word "Persians." "Punishing the Persians" is one example.
The word "Ayatollah," still carries very high negatives with most Americans. Corporate has indicated a willingness to consider a retro campaign focused around this.
At the request of corporate, I am forwarding the following themes to "get your creative juices flowing."
Eradicating Iranians
Murdering Mahmoud
The March To Armageddon
March Madness
One Down, Two to Go
Disarming the Ayatollahs
Irritating Iran
Fucking with Foreigners
Mahmoud has Soured
We look forward to seeing your ideas, of which, three will be selected for graphic treatments and testing.
Sincerely,
Mr. Hinky Dink