My little brother killed himself at the end of August, and only now can I write about it now. He put a .38 in his mouth one Sunday morning, and pulled the trigger. He was 28.
My sisters and I are finding out more about why he did this as the weeks progress, and the most shocking thing that has come up is that current the issues on the world stage fed his intense depression.
My brother was a highly intelligent and informed person, working on his PhD in environmental geology. He was at the forefront of understanding the earth, so we have a hope of saving it. He was a political activist, and was known among his family and friends as a wildcat who would not back down from a political challenge.
But, one major reason he gave as to why he felt compelled to kill himself, was the total abject gloom he felt brought upon by Bush and the current administration. He felt a smugness emanating from the TV, from the faces of Bush, Cheney, and Turd Blossom, even as they so blatantly know they are destroying our future.
I can't say I don't feel depressed each day when I read the headlines..impending war with Iran, failure in Iraq, domestic strife, polarization, nuclear proliferation...fuck, where does it end? But, suicidal? No...thankfully. Deeply depressed and concerned...yes. My solace? My friends, and places like Daily Kos, where I know there are others who feel the way I do, who care about the things I do.
I want to reach out to everyone who is in the same boat; aware, active, and on the march. Don't give up. Don't back down. Don't sit in the gray of the runaway reality, as I think my brother did. Reach out, to anyone around you...a friend, an online buddy, a forum. Know that we are all in this together, and while of course no one can see the future, we can remain optimistic and together grasp hands and march into the fray.
If only my brother could have found some peace in this, found the little spark of optimism that keeps us marching forward, as so many have done in history before us.