This diary was inspired by this comment from last week's diary.
I was struck by this observation:
"Also, there are some medical studies showing that people who write about their emotions (it doesn't matter whether anyone sees it or not) seem to be physically healthier than those who don't."
Hat tip to moneysmith, who has been doing plenty of writing.
I've become aware over the last few months of what a true community Daily Kos is. It functions as news source, town hall, resource list, bulletin board, literary salon, community center and so much more.
Whatever else it is, it's a very safe place. Without that safety, we would never have had such things as this lovely homage by CanYouBeAngryAndStillDream.
And that's just today. There have been many such tributes.
I'm working on one myself. To my father. It's a very, very difficult thing to do, to pour out your heart to the world this way. I am in awe that CanYouBeAngryAndStillDream was able to do this only one week after experiencing that loss. The 7 year anniversary of my Daddy's death is coming up next week and, well, as you can see, I'm still not ready. I'd hoped to be able to post it today. But I'm still not ready. I love my Dad. What I am gaining in this process is a new admiration for him. I wish he was here to know it.
As many of you know, I lost my Mom and my brother a couple of years ago in a car accident. Before this series, I would drop into diaries like those above and pour out my heart, the pain flowing from fingers until I was typing like a madman. I remember the great wracking sobs that poured from my body, the tears so intense it was sometimes hard to see what I was even writing.
It was months, however, before I hit the "Post" button. The grief was so raw and so big and so dark that it seemed wrong to me to make someone else's dark days even darker. But the writing of it was so necessary even when no one else read it. I would have gone insane without it. I don't keep a journal. Not regularly anyway. It is absolutely certain that I would not have dragged out the journal and expressed it all there. I don't know where those feelings would have gone.
But I've found that the writing of it is only part of the story. There is solace in the reading of it as well, in knowing that I am not alone in these feelings, that others have felt this way and survived, or maybe even become stronger.
I've learned more than that from all of you. I've learned that those feelings I have when my parents sold my childhood home, my heartbreak at losing my pets, the sadness when I realized that would only ever have one child and never the daughter that I'd dreamed of -- all those things were grief. They're valid feelings. And I'm not being silly when I mourn -- whatever it is I'm mourning.
So whether you're here to read, or here to write I welcome you. And, lifting from TrueBlueMajority's diary of last week, I describe our purpose:
We meet every Monday evening. Whether your loss is recent or many years ago, whether you have lost a person or a pet, or even if the person you are "mourning" is still alive ("pre-grief" can be a very lonely and confusing time) you can come to this diary and process your grieving in whatever way works for you. Share whatever you need to share. We can't solve each other's problems, but we can be a sounding board and a place of connection.
A special welcome to anyone who is visiting us for the first time.
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And a link to previous diaries in the series.
And I just want to say: today I'm really missing my Daddy.