TO: The Republican shareholders of the timeshare known as the United States Congress
FROM: The Proprieters of said timeshare (a.k.a. The Citizens of the United States)
Subject: CONGRATULATIONS
We, the above mentioned Proprieters, want to congratulate you on your vote this morning to uphold the Presidents veto of the SCHIP bill. No doubt your victory will have you dancing in the aisles of the chamber.
We would like to take this auspicious occasion and sweeten the deal for you. As a result of this victory, we are awarding you a very special gift.
YOU NOW HAVE COMPLETE AND PERPETUAL OWNERSHIP OF THE "CLUSTERFUCK" TIMESHARE.
Ownership of this timeshare gives you the following benefits:
> Relief from the responsibility of worrying how any of your votes will affect your constituents.
> The ability to use taxpayer funds for anything you damn well please.
> Relief from all the tax hikes that will be required in the future to pay for the timeshare and its constituent upkeep.
The only stipulation that restricts you is the following:
> Permission for the above benefits to take effect is contingent on a majority of the proprieters in a majority of the United States agreeing to let you have access to these benefits.
We don't expect that you will be able to take advantage of these benefits any time in the forseeable future, but we hope that you are pleased with your purchase. Also be aware that the above listed benefits may be changed or revoked at any time. However, since we don't expect to see much of you, we're really not worried. Thank you once again for your purchase, and we hope you enjoy it.
Sincerely,
The Proprieters of the United States Congress.