Today marks the one-year anniversary of the start of my husband’s OIF deployment. One-year ago, I dropped him off, gave him the long goodbye kiss, and left him in the parking lot at Ft. Hood. On April 11, 2007, the Secretary of Defense extended the length of his deployment three more months. Even though it was announced fairly early in the deployment, and we were expecting it; I still can’t help but think with more than a little bitterness; "He should be home now."
But he’s not...
Military spouses live and breathe by timelines, and I am no exception. Way back before my husband became my husband; I had countdown calendars on my dorm room wall. Each day I looked forward to putting a big red X over the day I had just finished. Each red X signified one less day of waiting to see him. I still do this after 14 years of marriage, and 16 years of tolerating my husband’s career choice.
But this deployment is different in so many ways. I am so tired. I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall and even when I try to reach down deep and find my "second wind," I’m coming up empty. I think my husband is feeling the same way because his emails are increasingly both sad and frustrating, and any more I’m too tired to be optimistic, cheerful, and encouraging in my responses.
I am looking down the long home stretch of a deployment where I will have to celebrate my thirty-fifth birthday, Thanksgiving, the holiday season, and New Year's Eve alone, for the second year in a row. And I'm trying really hard not to whine, because I hate whiners.
A few months ago, I wrote a short comment here on DailyKos that "I was tired of everything about this war, tired of the debates, tired of the mudslinging, tired of the politicians using the military and servicemembers to further their own agendas. Last July and August, I took a short break from the internet and all media outlets and realized that I have spent four years of my life angry over this. As in so angry it was making me literally sick and tired. As in so angry that I hated people who were republicans..."
Somewhere during that self reflection exercise, I just stopped. I dunno what happened. Maybe the realization that even if something does happen to end this mess, it's too late for my husband, me, and our friends; both living and dead. We're already spent. Game's over for us. Nothing will be the same anymore. We will never trust our country to do what is right again.
So, I've started to put my life back together and move on. I still resent this war, and I still hate the people who got us into this, and I especially resent the sacrifices that we in the military community have had to make; and that those sacrifices seem to go largely unnoticed by the American public as a whole.
Stick a fork in me because I'm done talking about Iraq, war, war politics, and deployments.
For my next Top Comments Trick; I'm going to engage in some shameless diary pimping on behalf of kath25's recent carepackage diary. The deadline to send a package to that unit is November 1, 2007 because the unit is scheduled to rotate back to the states in the beginning of 2008.
For my final Top Comments trick, I am going to conjure up today's Top Comments from thin air!
If you find a notable comment during the day, send it into topcomments at gmail dot com for inclusion! Anyone can submit comments! Remember to include your screenname, so we can credit you.
From bronte17:
From LithiumCola's diary: Thoughts On Viewing an Anti-Choice Display
When the "Equal Opportunity" Young American Fascists bring "Anti-Choice Displays" to universities, DemocraticLuntz explains the "dissonance" of the university departments to "balancing things out."
From nonnie9999:
AnotherMassachusettsLiberal waxes poetic in Dood Abides' diary, and triviumresponds in kind.
From taylormattd:
Here is ablington on the difference between Daily Kos and the fleshworld.
Another one from ablington, wherein she predicts what is, sadly enough, likely to be a dominate genre of diary after the primary season.
Nominated by both kath25 and guyermo:
Our own taylormattd makes a funny comment about Obama and Impeachment. Also, right above, Adam B points out that you can put the entire constitution on your iPod!!
My Picks:
What soccergrandmom's cloudy crystal ball is telling her.
Loquatrix makes a FEMA funny in the front page diary Brief Disaster Notes.
Top Mojo - excluding search-identifiable tip jars, first diary comments and C&J comments (top 30 of each plus ties):
1 ty, will fix it by Scubaval - 89
2 With Gore at the head of the ticket, by shpilk - 88
3 That's not the problem I have by Walt starr - 86
4 Wow! What a 24 Hours by egarratt - 85
5 Shhhhh! Your Occassional Daily BabyKos is asleep by John Campanelli - 77
6 FURIOUS! by anastasia p - 74
7 Given some awfully strange behavior by corvo - 73
8 How is this possible? NO ONE wants it by la urracca - 65
9 From the BBC by Devilstower - 64
10 Absolutely. Bush has managed to do what by blue jersey mom - 61
11 re by cookiesandmilk - 60
12 OT by Miss Blue - 59
13 But other than that minor detail.... by buhdydharma - 59
14 I have to disagree on that by wiscmass - 59
15 Starks "apology" was not voluntary by vigilant meerkat - 57
16 You summed up why I'm a democrat by okamichan13 - 57
17 From the South Shore by sobermom - 53
18 I'm waiting for FoxNews to denounce Ollie North by Marinesquire - 53
19 Humor from the Inbox: by Phil N DeBlanc - 53
20 I may be right behind you by vigilant meerkat - 53
21 the Real Republican Health Care Plan by ca democrat - 51
22 not a single filing window closed by NeuvoLiberal - 50
23 This is not the point: by corvo - 50
24 Yep by bonddad - 50
25 Edwards on his electability... by citizen53 - 50
26 Prayers for the firefighters and residents by SallyCat - 48
27 Uh-huh by Smallbottle - 48
28 They're not lazy. by Marc in KS - 47
29 PLEASE RECOMMEND by lamzdotes - 46
30 6:45 PM: SD COUNTY UPDATE: HORSES!!!! by CeeusBeeus - 46
Top Mojo - everything included:
1 tip jar (to buy spines for Democrats) by Ajax the Greater - 282
2 here i (and the rest of the sane world) am by buhdydharma - 235
3 Thanks for reading... by wmtriallawyer - 229
4 RECS, tips, etc. by Adam B - 195
5 if he will say or do anything for power by davefromqueens - 184
6 Tipjar by OneCrankyDom - 168
7 Tips/Flames? by Dood Abides - 161
8 Tips for the truth, even when it sucks. eom by Geekesque - 133
9 Contractually Obligatory Tip Jar by The Maven - 117
10 tips by david mizner - 116
11 Tip Jar by LithiumCola - 106
12 Tips and Stuff... by Abraham Running For Congress When I Turn 25 - 103
13 Tips / Mojo: 23 Oct 07 by A Siegel - 97
14 ty, will fix it by Scubaval - 89
15 With Gore at the head of the ticket, by shpilk - 88
16 That's not the problem I have by Walt starr - 86
17 Wow! What a 24 Hours by egarratt - 85
18 CHEERS to timing by Frankenoid - 78
19 Shhhhh! Your Occassional Daily BabyKos is asleep by John Campanelli - 77
20 FURIOUS! by anastasia p - 74
21 Given some awfully strange behavior by corvo - 73
22 Thought y'all could use... by KingOneEye - 70
23 C&J TubeSteak Edition by Phil N DeBlanc - 69
24 How is this possible? NO ONE wants it by la urracca - 65
25 From the BBC by Devilstower - 64
26 Tip jar by sardonyx - 62
27 Absolutely. Bush has managed to do what by blue jersey mom - 61
28 re by cookiesandmilk - 60
29 OT by Miss Blue - 59
30 But other than that minor detail.... by buhdydharma - 59
31 I have to disagree on that by wiscmass - 59