News That Makes You Wonder
Responding to the record high price of gasoline, executives from the major oil companies got together recently to discuss what they might do to ease the burden on the American consumer.
"I though they were kidding when the meeting was called," said Exxon Mobile Senior Executive Vice president for Worthless Landholdings and Tax Write-Off's, Reginald Van Hurlong III. "But when I was told it was at a five star resort in Bali I was in."
Once in Bali the group went to work. Brainstorming sessions were held between tee times. Workshops led by Bali women in traditional swimwear were held round the clock - some in large groups; some intense sessions were one-on-one. Pena coladas were served before during and after meals.
"I know we accomplished a tremendous amount in just three days," said Edgar Worthington, Senior Senior Executive Vice President for Executive Vice Presidents for Royal Dutch Shell. "I just can't remember what it was."
Here are the programs offered:
1. Automatic withdrawals. Forget pay at the pump. Since you'll always need gas and since it will keep going up in price, we will simply deduct several hundred dollars per vehicle a month from your bank account.
2. Tuition savings. Simply sign over the money you had set aside for your kids college and send it to us and we'll create a debit account for your gas.
3. Adoption. If you have children under the age of five, consider giving one up to us. We'll give you the fair market value for your child and set up an account for your gas. Not only will this temporarily solve your gas problem, you'll save money on food, clothing, etc.
4. Mortgage the House. We have created lending programs that will let you borrow against the equity in your house. Take out a second mortgage at a somewhat competitive interest rate and you'll have enough money to fuel your vehicles for weeks.