Santa's on the run, as the forces of righteousness close in.
An important repost of an article from Reporters Sans Brassieres.
Dateline Las Vegas, 12/26/07 --
The aftermath of the war on Christmas leaves the streets of America littered with broken toys and dead batteries. Thousands of undocumented elves have been detained by the Federal Bureau of Cherubim and Seraphim, and are now being confined in military facilities at Guantanamo, Cuba. General Frank Furter, speaking for the Pentagon, denies charges of overcrowding claiming that the elves are so small there's plenty of room for all of them. The Cuban government claims that so far over 104 of the tiny Northmen have drowned trying to use people sized toilets.
The only known American citizen involved in the conspiracy, Rudolph, a reindeer known for his communist sympathies, is at large and believed to be somewhere in Tibet perhaps accompanying Santa Claus whose whereabouts are still unknown. Rudolph's only living relative, his uncle Bambi, has expressed shock and dismay, "He always was a quiet fawn, we knew he wasn't religious, but he we never thought he'd do something like this." The two fugitives are rumored to be fleeing on the Yeti Railway a leftist organization connected to Al Quaeda. The aged terrorist and his chief lieutenant are expected to ask for secular asylum from the Chinese government.
Senator Guff Bombast, (R) Alassippi, has called for an emergency ruling allowing religious profiling. "Lets face it, people with halos and wings are obviously not the danger here. It's the ones with horns and tails who hijack sleighs and fly around going Ho Ho Ho without even mentioning Jesus that are the problem." When asked if he is targeting liberals he replied, "Well now, if they was really good Christians, they wouldn't be liberals, would they?"
Breaking -- Mobile, Alabama --Frosty the Snowman convicted of witchcraft and sentenced to be melted at the stake. It seems there was some magic in that old silk hat they found.