Well not so much as "resigned" as "got fired". But that's cool. See, I was stealing from the company's clients but the problem was not that I stole but that I got caught. Oh well. No biggie. Everyone at my work does it. It's pretty much the norm around here. It's just the way it is in my business. It's what we do.
I was pretty incompetent too but the entrance test for my job was soooo easy. All I had to do was give my unyielding loyalty to my boss and supervisors. That plus I lied and told them I was anti-abortion. I am still not sure why they asked me that one. Whatever.
Anyhoo most of my job was/is fun. I sent out a lot of emails detailing all the theft and what we could steal and get away with. We would send this stuff through a different email address than my company's website employee account so it would be hard for us to get caught. One of the company's suppliers’s set all of us up with email accounts that routed through their website. Since our supplier was "in" on the thefts this worked beautifully. Maybe I will go work for them once I finally leave here – which from what I have been told could be several months!
What is most awesome is that even though I got fired - I get to stay here and still get paid! Isn't that great?? They are just going to make our clients pay my salary. Suckers! Most folks who get fired have to leave that very day! I've seen movies where people are leaving with a cardboard box of personal desk stuff. Man those are so funny!
Oh, and get this - they are giving me a huge going away party – even though I am not going anywhere. My boss told me he is going to give me 5 paid assistants and a new office while I look for a new job. How cool is that? This firing is the best thing that has happened to me. And the best part? I get to keep stealing and do what I do best. My job can't be outsourced - that's for sure.
Well got to go! We are all going out for Happy Hour!