In a recent profile in The New Yorker, Joseph Lieberman defiles the sainted memory of Dr. Seuss by comparing himself to The Lorax. In light of Joementum's sadly predictable vote yesterday against a timetable for withrawing troops from Iraq, I'd like to take him up on his unbounded sense of persecution and nobility by way of the following parody, The War-ax.
For the story, by Jeffrey Goldberg, see: http://www.newyorker.com/...
I haven't finished the parody yet but will do so if you all think it's worth doing. Here's how the famous refrain will start:
I am the War-ax! I speak for the Bush!
And all those whose brains have turned into mush!
I should add, before I start, that, as a Jew disgusted by Lieberman's sanctimony and AIPACism, I have frequently wished that we could transfer Spinoza's excommunication to him. For no one in American public life seems to have a more profound misunderstanding of Jewish values than our Joe. But debates over Jewish identity are probably best left aside in this case; I just wish Lieberman could be ex-communicated from the Senate.
Please feel free to add or revise as you see fit. If someone with a much better knowledge of how to use Photoshop could put Sen. Lieberman's face in place of the Lorax, I'd be grateful.
The War-ax
On Pennsylvania Ave. where the Lobby-grass grows
And the wind stinks of pomposity wherever it blows
And no birds ever sing excepting old crows
Is the Street of the Wishful War-ax.
Who was the War-ax?
And why was he here?
And what did he wish for and then disappear
From Pennsylvania Ave. where the Lobby-grass grows?
The old Luntz-ler still lives here
Ask him. He knows.
You won't see the Luntz-ler.
Don't knock at his door.
He stays in his penthouse on the 33rd floor
He stays in his penthouse, making papier-maiche
From the treatises he believed in one day
From AEI and the PNAC,
And other wise men beyond you and me,
Who told us democracy would most certainly come
At the end of the barrell of an American gun.
And on special days in November
The Luntz-ler will begin to remember
How the War-ax was sent on his way
He'll tell you, perhaps. . .if you're willing to pay.
On the end of a rope he lets down a tin pail
And you have to toss in twenty bucks and a nail
Cut from Barack Obama's hand (the Luntz-ler, you see, has a love for black male).
[How Lieberman turns away from being a Democrat/joins forces with the Luntzler.]