Happy Saint Patrick's day everyone. Those of us who are lucky enough to be Irish the other 364 days of the year welcome you to our day. So if have a good Irish joke, I would love to hear it.
Paddy and Murphy are knocking back a few pints of Guinness at the local and in walks O'Rourk.
He says, "did ye hear about O'Hara dyin last night?" Paddy and Murphy, in shock exclaim, "No! Poor O'Hara. Has anyone told his wife?"
O'Rourk says "No she hasn't been told yet, but i'll get sweet talking Patrick to tell her. He is such a sweet talker and so good with words that he can talk the fish out of the brook and the birds out of the trees."
They leave to find Patrick and as they are leaving in he walks and says "Good Mornin to ye all lads, a pint on me for everyone."
O'Rourk tells Patrick the sad news about O'Hara dyin and asks him to break the news very gently to his wife, as she doesn't yet know.
Patrick, the sweet talker says, "I will be glad to have a chat with O'Hara's wife and I'll break it so gently to her that a whimper is all she'll utter. Im a man of words and I can charm the fish from the brook and the birds from the trees. Don't worry lads, I'll take care of this. They don't call me sweet talker for nuttin.
Well, off they all go to O'Hara's house. Patrick knocks on the door and O'Hara's wife answers and says, "Yes may I help you?"
Sweet talking Patrick steps forward and at attention says, "Are you the widow O'Hara?" To which the woman responds, "My name is O'Hara but I'm not a widow."
Sweet talking Patrick braces himself and exclaims, "Shite you aint."
Paddy Irishman died and went up to heaven where St Peter greeted him.
"And who are you?" asked St Peter.
"My name is Peter O'Toole"
"And what did you do for a living?" asked St Peter.
"I was unemployed"
"Unemployed hmmm?" mused St Peter. "And have you ever done anything good in your life?"
"As a matter of fact I have. I was walking along the street once and I saw a group of bikers who were threatening to beat up a defenceless girl. So I rushed to her rescue, pulled the ringleader off by his hair,
kicked him hard where it hurts and told him and his gang to clear off."
"That's highly commendable," said St Peter, flicking through the man's file, "but I don't see any record of this incident. When did it happen?"
"About five minutes ago"
Two buddies were sharing drinks in Murphy's bar while discussing their wives.
"Does your wife ever...well, you know...does she...well, let you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two.
"Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog aspect of it."
"Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?"
"Well, not exactly. Whenever I make a move, she's most likely to roll over and play dead."
Why do Irish men wear two condoms?
To be sure, To be sure.
What is the difference between and Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
One less drunk.
Toasts
Here's to abstinence - As long as it's practiced in moderation.
Here's to Beefsteak when your hungry, Guinness when you're dry; All the girls you ever want, and heaven when you die.
"Do you have a little Irish in ya?"
Want some?
Blessing's to you all
Like the warmth of the sun,
And the light of the day,
May the luck of the Irish,
Shine bright on your way.