This has been the hardest year teaching for me since I began in 1997. What a year that was. In grad school, no funding, not too much money except what came from the International Bank of Mom and Dad. I took over as a long term sub for a very sick teacher. I was hired on a Sunday, signed my papers on Monday and was in the classroom on Tuesday morning. I was barely 22 and had no formal teaching training (I got my permanent certification later). I was awful at times. I was also pretty good at times too. I caught the teaching bug and that's where it all began. For 8 years I was happy as a clam.
Not this year. It has been building for a few years. School budget problems, a total lack of adminstrative leadership, the stress of an extra class (which is my choice and I am compensated for it) a new home (that needs a lot of work which my wife and I do ourselves if we can) and a new baby all made last year difficult at times. The summer was a nice refresher, but it just didn't prepare me for this year.
This has been a year of emotional highs and lows. At the beginning of the year, I helped out the Union as a member of our negotiating team. Things went better than we all expected and we reached a fair agreement with the Board. At the same time, we were on our way to losing a principal and our assistant principals, over burdened as they were, were not making friends with the faculty. The administration, devoid of leadership, kept expending energy putting out brush fires instead of dealing with the larger problems of the school which were leading to the brush fires. While I was basically immune from these problems, secluded in my little cave 6 periods a day, grading and teaching nearly 150 students, grades 7-12, I did hear about the problems from my colleagues and friends.
In January, I read an article about the average Wall Street salary and bonus being $500,000 and it just blew me away. I teach those executives' children. Sure, I could have taken that route when I left college like many of my friends did, and sure, I made my decision to teach, but for the first time in my career, I questioned my choice. I work hard, support a family of 4 on a single salary and I make a very good wage for a teacher but I don't make half a million bucks.
It wasn't even the money. What finally wore me down was the constant nature of school. If you want to do it right, you have to be a teacher 24/7. When you wake up, you think about your day - what am I going to teach, what needs to be returned, when is the next test, who owes me a project, what parent phone call will I have to field or return - and that's just before I get in the car for the 40 minute commute to school. Once you're at school, you're on. Plans get changed, kids don't pick up on some concept in school as quickly as you expect, a teachable moment becomes the day's lesson, setting back your weekly schedule. You need to put on a new show 6 times a day with all new material. Nights were filled with family, dinner, putting the kids to bed, grading papers, planning for the next day - wash, rinse, repeat. It's tough, but it is the only way to teach if you want to do it right.
So, I was getting worn down. For the first time in my career, I woke up every once in a while and didn't totally want to go to school. I didn't miss a day, but the thought did cross my mind more than once.
For a variety of reasons, things settled down after April. Once you get into the home stretch, time flies by. On the last day of school, I dismissed my Juniors early so I could say a few words to my Seniors. There were 9 of them. As the only teacher of my particular subject, I have taught these kids for the last 5 years. I have known them as long as I have known my oldest son. As I looked at them, I couldn't find words. I choked up (I never have before) and I could barely speak (a rare occurence). Tears welled up in my eyes and all I could say was what a special bunch of kids they were.
As I just stood there, looking at them, I realized why I teach and why I will always teach. These are my kids. The influence that they have on my is incredible. They make me a better teacher and, I hope, in my own little way, I have helped them to become better people. I thrill at their accomplishments, I'm unhappy when they don't reach their potentials and I feel obligated to help them when they are having trouble whether in a school related area or something a bit more personal. These are my kids.
We're lining up for graduation in a few minutes. One by one, each Senior will walk by us and shake our hands or exchange a hug. We will then follow them into the main building where we will then walk by the Seniors who will applaud us. Once we are in place, the Seniors will walk in and the faculty, the parents and the community will applaud them. Graduation will be over all too quickly and then my kids will be gone. For their parents this will be a special day, but in some ways it will be more special for me and my fellow teachers. We are paid to teach, but we choose to invest ourselves in our students. It's much more than a job and as hard as it is, I wouldn't change a thing. As hard as it is to watch them go, it is this moment, more than any other, that renews my faith in what I do.