Senator Clinton, you are far - very, very far - from being my first choice for our presidential nominee. At best, you're my fourth choice. Fifth, if either Al Gore or Wes Clark were to enter the race. And that's only when I'm considering candidates who have a chance to win; I would definitely prefer Chris Dodd to you, for example, but he has about as much chance of winning the nomination as Tom Tancredo has of creating a welcome center for brown-skinned immigrants.
You are, for now, the front-runner in the race. (I repeat, for now.) And despite our difference on a number of issues, I've always kind of liked you. If someone can inspire such deep-seated, irrational hatred in wingnuts, they've got to be okay in my book.
I've always thought that, even though you've sold your soul to corporate interests and Beltway insiders for (likely ill-advised) political expediency, deep down you've got a good heart. And, when we need it the most, you will display good judgment.
Until now. Until this whole campaign theme song debacle.
Celine Dion?! Celine fucking Dion?!?!?
Senator, if there is a hell, then the soundtrack features Celine Dion and Michael Bolton, accompanied by Kenny G.
Senator, you are either hopelessly tone-deaf, or you were too stupid to hold that ridiculous contest without some kind of fall-back plan in case the voters made a decision almost as heinous as the one made in the 2004 presidential election. (Which they did.) Either way, I'm shocked, and not the least bit awed.
What's worse is that, if you absolutely have to have a campaign theme song, you missed the most obvious choice, the one theme song that could have actually won you some votes in the general election.
"Don't Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)", you dumbass.
Senator, if you wanna win this thing, you need a theme song that makes people both nostalgic and forward-looking (i.e., forward-looking in a nostalgic kind of way). You need to remind people of how good they had it when your husband was president, and how utterly horrible things have been since he (and you) left the White House in the hands of the Bush Crime Family. You need to make people hopeful that, if they just jettison the corrupt, soulless Republican'ts and put you (back) in the White House, we can undo the damage done to this country, and maybe even start having uninterrupted years of peace and prosperity. (Again.)
It's funny, I really loathed Fleetwood Mac back in the 70's - I cut my musical teeth on punk. But I could at least tolerate "Don't Stop" (and I've always loved "Go Your Own Way," a great jangle-rock song worthy of the Raspberries). And seeing you, your husband and Al and Tipper up there on that stage at the convention, with that song playing, made me practically giddy. (Yeah, I'm easy. I cry during Frank Capra movies.)
And, if you were to win the nomination again, that song could have made me giddy again. Well, at least as giddy as I could be with you up there instead of Al, John, Obama, or most anyone else.
But no - you picked Celine Fucking Dion. Or you had it picked for you, which possibly is even worse.
Madam, you must be defeated.