Today, two years or so after the actual event, I learned that my former stepson has died in Afghanistan, fighting a war that is justified, but ignored because of Iraq.
As you can tell, I wasn't close to him through the relatively short marriage, but he was an American warrior and he should be honored in a place outside of the obligatory Arlington National Cemetery sites and those devoted to Navy Seals.
He represented the best that America offers and was sacrificed in a war run by idiots.
I had known him when he was a child, from ages four to eight. Mostly he was asleep in bed as my friend, his mother, and I talked. We talked about the divorce she went through, why she was raising him as she was, and how hard -- and easy -- it was to raise a child who was a wonder to her. The last time I saw him as a child, I helped his Mom set up his Atari computer.
After that time, for very legitimate reasons, we lost track of each other. I didn't know why or how, but our friendship was gone, but not forgotten.
Move forward to 1996 and through sheer serendipity, her mother and son return to my life. From many states and lives away, we see each other again and this time become romantically involved. We eventually married and then divorced (in 2003); the early friendship did not translate into what was needed for marriage. Regardless, his Mom was ferociously loyal to her son and wanted nothing more for him to succeed. In spite of not staying in the marriage, I wanted nothing more for them to be successful and happy.
In 1997, his mother and I traveled to the Navel Academy and watched him graduate with Al Gore - in his most enlightened self -- providing the commencement address. His Mom and I were simply proud that this son, who's mother would always outrank any general's orders, had graduated from the Academy with honors.
After a stint in Navel Operations, he decided he wanted to be a Navy Seal. And he did. In spades. In his class, he was the "leader" of the class -- the highest ranked person in the class. When his award was announced at his graduation in San Diego, his mother and I were screaming for joy while I was proud that this son of America had done so well.
Of course, a mother is proud when the son performs well -- and totally scared to death that his performance will put him in harms way.
But the Seals operate on water, have surgical precision, masterful planning, and stealth on their side. To his wife, his training and capabilities were unmatched. I would agree. But that does not mean he is invulnerable to the whims of politicians fighting a war of stupid ideas. On land with special operations people in short supply.
In 2005, he was on a rescue mission in Afghanistan for special operations and in a helicopter that was hit by a surface to air rocket. In spite of the work of the pilot, the helicopter exploded and the Navy Seals -- who pride themselves in no loss of life -- experienced the worst loss of personnel since the 1960's.
I can only assume it was a quick and merciful death. It is the only good that I can see from this.
In spite of the fact that we were not close, he was intelligent, bright, and seriously concerned about what happens in harms way. He purposely took after the hardest things to do because completing them meant that he was able to be the best at what he did. He thoughtfully argued with his Mom on military policy. He was considerate and helpful to all around him. He and his wife shared a vision and purpose. You would never have known that he was a Navy Seal; just that he was exceptionally capable and modest all at the same time.
The war hit home for me today. It has for a long time, but this is different. And even though my stepson and I were not close, you could never have known a more decent human being or one who you would not want to sacrifice in the name of terror. But that's what happened and, two years after everyone else in his family has gone through the mourning process, my mourning begins today.
He was a wonderful person. You could not have asked for anyone to serve their country in a more meaningful way. In the end, it's the same story as 3,000+ other Moms and spouses out there dealing with the same thing. And his young child who will never know his father.
In case we all get caught up in the tactics, the bizarre arguments of this administration, or wonder what we're fighting for -- this was the wakeup call for me. Our fight is not in vain and has a purpose. It's about stopping this war so that the people we love don't get hurt or killed.
My heart goes out to his mother. She worshiped him in a way that only mothers can.
He died in 2005. His name was Mike.