(EX) - There's absolutely no evidence that U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney met via SecurePast™* link with Genghis Khan, 13th century Mongolian lawyer....er, warrior this weekend in Rawlins, Wyoming.
There's more below...
Rumors have swirled for years about Mr. Cheney's marked physical resemblance to members of the Khan family. When contacted, Cheney's office declined to confirm or deny reports that Dick is a decendent of Khan's son Tushi. He also vigorously denied that he's an Ass, but knowledgable sources say that may be a matter of public record.
SecurePast™* spokesman Maximillian J.P. Walker denied that Mr. Cheney's office had sought their services, and a lowly placed unnamed White House source revealed (after the usual promises of anonymity) that nothing untoward had happened. Since time in this case is counted back to a point in the past and not towards a goal in the future, "untoward" becomes a moot point. Which is somewhere in the middle of now. The source has been known to be extremely unreliable in the past, so little to no credence was given to his assurances.
SecurePast™*, a wholly-owned subsidiary of the University of Texas at Armadillo, was granted a government mandate to secure the past and prevent unauthorized time travel, after university scientists working in a secret basement lab in the northwest U.S. accidentally solved the Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen paradox. Several "incidents" of revisionism were reported before SecurePast™* was able to lock down the past and tightly control travel. Currently, only those government employees with a need to amend the Congressional Record, or rewrite the annals of history are allowed access to SecurePast™* nexii.
Travel to a family reunion would fall outside the permitted SecurePast™* nexus use. Repeated calls for comment to the National Ark Hives went unanswered.
© 2007 The Eleventy O'Clock News - Where Nothing Is Real
Disclaimer: SecurePast™ is not an unregistered trademark of the All Spy All The Time Network™**, and was not brought to you by DARPA, the folks who brought you the Total Information Awareness Program and NASA's Institute for Advanced Concepts (NIAC). Or not. It's hard to tell, since it's a secret, and is protected via Vice Presidential fiat.
** The All Spy All The Time Network™** in not an unregistered joint trademark between the Central Intelligence Agency, the National Security Agency, the Defense Intelligence Agency and AGMJD. You heard me - it's not I tell you three times, it's not, it's not.