My 19 year old goddaughter, Lauren, passed away Sunday morning after a 2 year battle with Ewing's Sarcoma. She was the light of my life, my best friend, my soul mate and the dearest person I know.
She truly "walked the talk" of a christian life and lived her life with grace and honor. This is a picture of her and her most beloved "pootie" (Cindy) from Christmas 2005.
Even though she was heavily sedated on pain medication her last day and not able to speak or even really acknowledge us, I know she waited for us to all come in and say our goodbyes ... and she did this FOR US, not for herself.
Her friends came in from UVA and sang for her. They chose three songs: "Wild Thing" (which is so funny because La was the antithesis of wild thing - more like shy thing!), "Let it be" and "Everywhere with you" (by Michelle Branch). The pure loving energy in that room on Saturday was amazing to feel.
When I had my moment alone with her, I told her that there was nothing I could say now that I hadn't already said to her - she knew how much I loved her and the relationship we shared was on a much deeper level than I've ever had with anyone. All I could hear was the line from a Godspell song that kept echoing in my head. The song is "By my side" and the line is ... "meet your new road" and I said to her "Sweetie, go meet your new road and I will be right behind ya" ... I kissed her little face, cried a bit on her (that was my tradition), rubbed her feet and hands and said goodbye for now.
She passed away that night, after everyone had their chance to come and be with her and she was alone with her mom and dad, just as she came into this world.
I saw the hand of God and all the angels in this because we were all so supported and cared for as we, in turn, cared for her. I never once questioned "why her" because I know, in my heart, that there are reasons for things we cannot begin to understand. And if it were in her highest good to go, then I would accept that and just love her as much as I could for as long as I could. And that I will be with her again, in another life, where we will goof around, wear nifty crowns on our head for all occasions, laugh at british humor no one else gets and just love love love on each other.
Her blog is here: Lunedi
and I wanted to share her post about our trip to bathe in the waters of Lourdes, France:
Okay! Enough about food. We left for Lourdes early the morning of Day 2, and we spent most of the day at the Grotto, and I went to confession and then I took my bath! I was getting kind of nervous about that, and my mom and godmommy were with me for moral support and I said, hey, you know, you don't have to be sick to get bathed, and that's just how easy it was to drag them into having to undress COMPLETELY and wade in the extremely, EXTREMELY COLD Lourdes water with me. See, now that's how you know who loves you! So yes, you do in fact have to be very naked for this bath, and we read in the information that the water is kept at 12 degrees C, and we think, oh, they must maintain a certain temperature so it's not too cold. Well, my mom went first, and we heard her yelp behind the curtain, so that's when Aunt Lisa and I started to panic a little. I went next, and there are 3 ladies that help you (and they were reeeeally nice), and one takes your robe-thing off and wraps you up in this freeeezing wet cloth "for your modesty" and then I stepped down into the bath and my legs, my poor legs went numb, and I had to wade to the end of the bath to kiss a figure of the Virgin Mary, and then the ladies asked me to sit down in the water if I could, so I made an attempt, but mostly I was concentrating on the fact that I couldn't feel my legs and plus I may have been whimpering, so they didn't make me do it, and instead I took a sip of the water (from a pitcher - not from the bath, okay??) and hurried back out and the first lady gave me a hug and made sure I was okay, aw. Then the robe goes back on and you go back into the waiting/changing area and put back your clothes back on, EXCEPT no towels to dry yourself, so you are trying to pull your jeans up over your wet legs and it's just not pleasant. But overall, a good experience (also, the ladies kept asking, "first time?," like how many times do people do this in their life?), and I'm glad I had the opportunity to go.
If you'd like to make a donation to Relay for Life in Lauren's name, please go to her page here: Relay for Life and be sure to add the .01 so we know it came from Kossacks.
It's been MY HONOR to know and love this young woman who brought so much joy to others in her life and so many blessings even after she has gone from this earth.
Rock on, babygirl. I love ya. Peace out.