Executive Order: Facilitation of Hunting Heritage and Wildlife Conservation
Presiduncially Annotated Version
or,
Let's Talk Plain: We need to sell guns and kill more animals. It's good for business, it's good for America, and I promised the NRA.
Through an amazing stroke of luck, the Eleventy O'Clock News has obtained a handwritten, annotated version of the Executive Order signed this week by the President. We've painstakingingly transcribed the whole shebang for you...
By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, it is hereby ordered as follows:
Section 1. Purpose. The purpose of this order is to direct Federal agencies that have programs and activities that have a measurable effect on public land management, outdoor recreation, and wildlife management, including the Department of the Interior and the Department of Agriculture, to facilitate the expansion and enhancement of hunting opportunities and the management of game species and their habitat.
Talk to Dick about this. See if he can get me a place on the BoD for one of them Texas internet hunting sites, or if we can get a similar set-up in Crawford. Saw some deer on the ranch last week, and didn't have a gun with me. Pissed me off - little bounders were crappin' all over the place. Oh hey - can we get Crawford declared a... a... what do you call it? Wildlife Heretic Site?
Sec. 2. Federal Activities. Federal agencies shall, consistent with agency missions:
(a) Evaluate the effect of agency actions on trends in hunting participation and, where appropriate to address declining trends, implement actions that expand and enhance hunting opportunities for the public;
I'll tell ya, if we let this decline you know, keep declining, Americans won't know which end ta shoot when they need to defend theirselves against attacks, 'specially nuclear ones. The NRA worked real hard to get me re-elected in '04, and I'm not gonna let 'em down now. We've got a clear choice here. Kill or be killed.
(b) Consider the economic and recreational values of hunting in agency actions, as appropriate;
I've always loved the recreational value of killin' God's creatures. Every American should feel that joy. Dept. of E. tie-in? A NCLB thing? Can we add something on the WH kid's page? Let's put up a hunting poll, and see what kinds of animals the kids like to kill. What about that pitcher of the kid with the giant dead hog Josh showed me? Can we get hold of that? Great way of getting the kiddies involved!
(c) Manage wildlife and wildlife habitats on public lands in a manner that expands and enhances hunting opportunities, including through the use of hunting in wildlife management planning;
Note: see if we can get jurisdictionals over state and city parks if they get any federal funds. Start with Wildlife Refuge System. See what they need to start turning a profit. Ammo concessions? Church sponsored hunting trips? Change over to Wildlife Hunting Preserves? We need to start making good on those election promises we made. This would be a good first step.
(d) Work collaboratively with State governments to manage and conserve game species and their habitats in a manner that respects private property rights and State management authority over wildlife resources;
See Dick about this. He did a bang-up job out in Oregon or Washington or wherever it was with the salmon and the Fish and Wildlife stuff. He'll know how to contact the State folks. Maybe we can give landowners a tax break if they open things up to hunting?
(e) Establish short and long term goals, in cooperation with State and tribal governments, and consistent with agency missions, to foster healthy and productive populations of game species and appropriate opportunities for the public to hunt those species;
Internet hunting sites on the rez's? Lots of employment for bush beaters? Jack had all the contacts, but maybe someone can get word slipped to him that we're looking for help with this? We could talk i. or p. with him in xchange for the assist. Also, define hunting. This is important. Need to make sure that we're covered, and no one misunderstands what it means. I know what I mean when I say hunting. You know I know what you meant when I say hunting. I know that you know what you know when I say I mean hunting. Just need to make sure we're all clear here.
(f) Ensure that agency plans and actions consider programs and recommendations of comprehensive planning efforts such as State Wildlife Action Plans, the North American Waterfowl Management Plan, and other range-wide management plans for big game and upland game birds;
Look - if we can't converve the birds and animals for hunting, what good does it do to save 'em at all? It's hunters that pay the fees and support the forests and parks and all that conservation stuff. I like birds and fowl as much as the next guy, but if they're hiding in the bush, who's gonna see 'em? That reminds me - now that we've got the bald eagle off that damn Save the Whales list, I'm looking forward to bagging one my ownself. It's gonna look real nice up on the wall opposite my desk in the PL. It's gonna go right next to the portrait of Laura.
(g) Seek the advice of State and tribal fish and wildlife agencies, and, as appropriate, consult with the Sporting Conservation Council and other organizations, with respect to the foregoing Federal activities.
Advice and consent. Ha ha! We'll seek their advice, then we'll make 'em consent! Hey! I made a joke there! Didja see me?
Sec. 3. North American Wildlife Policy Conference. The Chairman of the Council on Environmental Quality (Chairman) shall, in coordination with the appropriate Federal agencies and in consultation with the Sporting Conservation Council and in cooperation with State and tribal fish and wildlife agencies and the public, convene not later than 1 year after the date of this order, and periodically thereafter at such times as the Chairman deems appropriate, a White House Conference on North American Wildlife Policy (Conference) to facilitate the exchange of information and advice relating to the means for achieving the goals of this order.
Heh - the conference folks don't need to really do anything, we just have to make a show of having one. Policy's already been written, as per usual. See Eric with any questions.
Sec. 4. Recreational Hunting and Wildlife Resource Conservation Plan. The Chairman shall prepare, consistent with applicable law and subject to the availability of appropriations, in coordination with the appropriate Federal agencies and in consultation with the Sporting Conservation Council, and in cooperation with State and tribal fish and wildlife agencies, not later than 1 year following the conclusion of the Conference, a comprehensive Recreational Hunting and Wildlife Conservation Plan that incorporates existing and ongoing activities and sets forth a 10 year agenda for fulfilling the actions identified in section 2 of this order.
Don't sweat it on this one. We can dust off the old Clinton era stuff like we did for that Hawaiian monument. Won't matter too much anyway, they won't be finished meeting before we leave office. Then it's the next guy's problem. You can call me a lame duck, just don't call me a dead one!
Sec. 5. Judicial Review. This order is not intended to, and does not, create any right, benefit, trust responsibility, or privilege, substantive or procedural, enforceable at law or in equity by any party against the United States, its departments, agencies, instrumentalities, or entities, its officers or employees, or any other person.
Fred, why'd you lawyers put this in here? I thought I told 'em I didn't want any legal mumbo jumbo stuck in. Who wants to get all bogged down in legal stuff? Judicial Review? Since when?
GEORGE W. BUSH
THE WHITE HOUSE,
August 16, 2007.
©2007 The Eleventy O'Clock News - Where Nothing Is Real
Sources & Additional Reading:
Executive Order: Facilitation of Hunting Heritage and Wildlife Conservation
NRA
WH Press release
Stop Canned Hunts
Private Property Rights
Tax Breaks for Wildlife Conservation
America's Wildlife Refuge System
Federal Duck Stamp Program