Some time ago, I wrote an article called "The Young Chickenhawks." In it, I profiled a number of loud-mouthed, well known warmongers—all of whom were still young enough to enlist, but still too afraid to go fight. Today, we’re going to take a look at some other prominent Iraq War-supporters—but this time we’re going to focus on the under-30 crowd. For me, this is the most entertaining type of chickenhawk—because the younger the chickenhawk is, the more hilarious the excuses for not serving become.
You may be familiar with a couple of them, and two of them you may not know. But either way, you should find this fascinating—and you should continue finding ways to heap scorn on these cowards.
Young Chickenhawk #1: Matthew Continetti
Organization: The Weekly Standard
Excuse for not serving in Iraq: Expecting war supporters to actually fight goes against the Constitution
Matthew Continetti, Bill Kristol’s protégé at The Weekly Standard, is one of the few people who can actually make me lose my composure. And I’m a pretty calm guy. So I’m just going to leave it at that.
If you want some more, see Continetti here, getting clowned on by Chris Mathews of Hardball:
Young Chickenhawk #2: Jason Mattera
Organization: Young America’s Foundation
Excuse for not serving in Iraq: Too busy "fighting the battle of ideas" here at home.
This guy sounds like he has rocks in his head. And I’ve never heard of "Young America’s Foundation." Not sure I want to, either. The bottom line is that, as a Young Chickenhawk, Mattera seems more amusing than anything—and not the type of guy who really represents a threat to the Progressive movement. But isn’t his excuse for not serving in Iraq just adorable?
Young Chickenhawk #3: Ben Ferguson
Organization: College Republicans
Excuse for not serving in Iraq: "I support the Yankees, doesn’t mean I wear their uniform." Author’s note: Yes, he really said that in the video.
Young Ben gets a 10 on the Chickenhawk Aggressiveness Rating Scale (CARS). Besides his really great comment about the Yankees and fighting wars, he also said, "Just because I support something doesn’t mean I have to always go fight it." Ben’s vigor for war, added to his unbridled fear of actually having to participate in one, puts him squarely in the running for this year’s Chickenhawk Champion.
Young Chickenhawk #4: Chris Bucovich
Organization: Freelance chickenhawk
Excuse for not serving in Iraq: Government "wants me to make money so I can pay for it." Author’s note: Yes, he too really said that.
You just gotta watch this guy:
Hope you enjoyed these. And yes, Michelle Malkin is still young enough to enlist.