Yodeling atop Loonie Mt., foam and froth spraying from his gums, is the newly-crowned kookiest kook in Kooklandia, self-described "philosopher"Phillip Atkinson:
Faced with the...threat that the Iraqis might be amassing...weapons that could be used to slay millions...President Bush took the only action prudence demanded and the electorate allowed: he conquered Iraq with an army. This dangerous and expensive act did destroy the Iraqi regime, but left an American army without any clear purpose in a hostile country and subject to attack. If the Army merely returns to its home, then the threat it ended would simply return.
The wisest course would have been for President Bush to use his nuclear weapons to slaughter Iraqis until they complied with his demands, or until they were all dead. Then there would be little risk or expense and no American army would be left exposed. But if he did this, his cowardly electorate would have instantly ended his term of office, if not his freedom or his life.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Atkinson's short-circuited sputtering arrives courtesy of Family Security Matters, a site that feaures an "Enfactlopedia" about the evils of Islam and other neato topics, a righteous defense of the Patriot Act, and nude photos of Joe Lieberman subtle encouragement for Americans to report their neighbors for suspicious activity.
There can be no doubt that for these burrowing, irony-starved yellow-bellies, America is already long dead:
The simple truth that modern weapons now mean a nation must practice genocide or commit suicide. Israel provides the perfect example. If the Israelis do not raze Iran, the Iranians will fulfill their boast and wipe Israel off the face of the earth. Yet Israel is not popular, and so is denied permission to defend itself. In the same vein, President Bush cannot do what is necessary for the survival of Americans. He cannot use the nation's powerful weapons. All he can do is try and discover a result that will be popular with Americans.
Well, fuck me running. Apparently, I went and slept through Bush doing something popular. And were it not for the vigilance of skidmarked, xenophobic tittybabies like Atkinson, I might have gone Bush's entire second term mistaking his pussyfooted pacifism for criminal warmongering.
Atkinson's logical conclusion looms, inevitable and incontravertible, as he philosophizes like a neurosurgeon with a ripsaw:
As there appears to be no sensible result of the invasion of Iraq that will be popular with his countrymen other than retreat, President Bush is reviled; he has become another victim of Democracy. By elevating popular fancy over truth, Democracy is clearly an enemy of not just truth, but duty and justice, which makes it the worst form of government. President Bush must overcome not just the situation in Iraq, but democratic government.
If President Bush copied Julius Caesar by ordering his army to empty Iraq of Arabs and repopulate the country with Americans, he would achieve immediate results: popularity with his military; enrichment of America by converting an Arabian Iraq into an American Iraq (therefore turning it from a liability to an asset); and boost American prestiege while terrifying American enemies. He could then follow Caesar's example and use his newfound popularity with the military to wield military power to become the first permanent president of America, and end the civil chaos caused by the continually squabbling Congress and the out-of-control Supreme Court.
So, to sum up:
Iraq = quagmire
Quagmire = bombs not big enough
Bombs not big enough = people weenies
People weenies = democracy
Solution to democracy = monarchy
So crazy it just! Might! Work!