I was looking at an old photo of the Singing Senators and wondering what happened to D.C’s most famous boy band. This barbershop quartet (or is that unisex salon now?) consisted of Larry Craig, Trent Lott, John Ashcroft, and former Vermont Senator Jim Jeffords.
Now I don't need to rehash Larry Craig's recent problems. We all know he's gay, gay, gay, no matter what he says. And that's totally cool, but being a hypocrite, sorry, not cool, Larry. You got to practice what you preach, otherwise don't preach to the rest of us.
But what about the other guys, Trent, John and Jim. Trent told Armstrong Williams (he was hanging out with Armstrong?) that he thought being gay was like an addiction that could be cured, like kleptomania. Wait, is that curable? Lot of kleptos in this administration. Prison time might cure them.
And Trent was worried about sending a gay ambassador, James Hormel, to Luxembourg. He thought he might promote the gay lifestyle. Luxembourg, Trent – it’s next to France. It's a good fit. They don’t care.
Trent, you need to be quiet. Aside from sounding ignorant, your other problem is that people might start asking questions about you. Not that I've heard a thing, but somebody's bound to get hold of a picture of you jumping up and down doing cheers at Ole Miss. Now there's nothing wrong with being a cheerleader. President Bush was a cheerleader at Yale, so...wait, maybe there is something wrong there. Well, let’s just say that some people might get confused. And by the way, Ole Miss was NOT named after an aging queen. I checked.
And what about John? He got embarrassed about a statue’s bare breasts at the Justice Department so he covered it up. And he prays a lot. A LOT. And who doesn't remember how creepy John was acting in "Fahrenheit 9/11" when he told the makeup guy to "make him pretty." Ewwww.
So are the Singing Senators kaput? Will they get back together? It doesn’t look good. Larry was their lead singer, their Justin Timberlake. Turns out their Lance Bass, too.
They probably had creative differences, too. I can just see it. John, being from Missouri, wants to sing "Meet Me in St. Louis," which spurs Larry to launch into a medley of Judy Garland classics. Trent pushes Southern rock. He and John like doing "Sweet Home Alabama" and always scream out the lyric "in Birmingham they love the Governor" (George Wallace) because it’s the redneck racist thing to do. Except John thinks it should be sung as a ballad because it has too much beat and might encourage somebody to dance. Jim wants to rock it out and but gets Trent upset when he bellows Mountain’s "Mississippi Queen" because Trent thinks it’s about him.
No wonder Jim Jeffords left the GOP. He got tired of belonging to such a fruity little club.