I'm working on the pitch, love to hear what you all think... I'm trying to set up a meeting at the network early next week.
"Good afternoon, thanks for seeing me. Word on the street is that pretty soon Fox News is going to be needing to fill some time. Let's face it, that massive vein in Bill O'Reilly's head could go any day now. There's been a couple of close calls recently. When it does, what is the network going to do for that hour?
Now, I know you're a "news channel" and all, but given the current political realities, finding an actual news person is gonna be tough. Who are you gonna get? Kristol, O'Hanlon? Opposite Keith Olberman? You gotta be kidding me? Those guys make Alan Colmes look like Graham Norton.
So what I'm proposing is, now stick with me here-- a Fox News channel sitcom!"
Here I would pause for effect. Maybe take a sip of water.
"Not just any sitcom, mind you, but a real "Fox News" kind of comedy (no offense, but the "Half Hour News Hour" thing really doesn't count). So what is the one thing all Fox viewers have in common...?
"Everybody Loves Jesus!"
Not "Passion of the Christ" Jesus, this is a sitcom! It says in the Bible that Jesus didn't begin his ministry until he was about 30. This would be young adult Jesus.
Maybe we don't call him Jesus... don't want to alienate anyone... How about Jeebus? That's kinda hip, the kids are all calling him that-- and let's face it, you guys could use some young viewers, am I right?
So, Jeebus is young and handsome in a scruffy way. Think that kid from "Transformers"-- Shia What-His-Face-- with long hair and a beard. He knows that he's got Big Stuff in his future, he knows how hard it's going to be once he turns 30, but for right now...
The show is set in His carpentry shop... there's always a bunch of His buddies hanging around, talking about how "cool it woud be if you could change water into wine!" And, "what if you could make a never-ending fish sandwich?" (Stunt casting opportunities galore!!) It's kinda like "Friends", except Ross is the Son of Man and Rachel's a whore!" ... oh, wait...
And His Mother is a nice Jewish-y lady who's always playing the guilt card, "Do you have any idea how hard it was to be pregnant at 12, and because of an archangel, no less? Oy!" Tell me you can't hear that laugh track already.
The beauty is, He's Jesus, but he's also accessible Jesus... a young, hip, struggling entrepenuer with crazy friends-- we really hit the 18-35 demograhic. He's just like them!
And here's the kicker... News Corp. could copyright all of Jeebus' images and likenesses. Imagine the licensing fees! This would be a chance to really solidify that Jeebus/Fox News brand.
You already act like you own Him, with this show, you actually could!
That'd have to be worth a couple of bucks, am I right?
So, whaddaya think?"