Or...
How to succeed at YK07 without really trying
In a few hours, seven presidential candidates will descend upon the peaceful, YearlyKos conventioneers. I'm not sure exactly what format the forum will take, but at one point, they will be required to give a quick speech to us. Whether it is in the forum itself or at the breakout sessions, they will be facing an eager, but potentially hostile audience.
Having sat through countless speeches and introductory remarks over the past two days, I have finally discovered the secret to making friends and winning allies at YearlyKos 2007. I hereby offer these insights to the candidates.
- Open with a Bill O'Reilly Joke - Typically this takes the form of "You don't look like Nazis to me!" Other variatons can involve the KKK, David Duke or Al Capone.
- Generic thanks for having me remarks that lead into why the netroots are so important. "I'm so proud to be here to today. You are the future of the Democratic party!" Just like you would for any audience. Its the functional equivalent of KISS saying "We've been to hundreds of cities, but nobody rocks like fill in the blank."
- Explain how our country is great. We know it is, but lovingly describing our democracy and civil rights is a perfect segue to a prime Bush bashing opportunity.
- Tell us that Bush and the Republicans are bad for the country. We've heard it all already, but we will still cheer. Frankly we can't hear it enough. Someone should put together a CD of Bush/Cheney/Rove rants. Not jokes, just people screaming at the top of their lungs that they are awful awful people who give all multicellular organisms a bad name.
- Tell us why you are better. This usually involves two or three popular issues. Iraq and Healthcare are the easy ones. Education will also go over well. Bonus points if you mention net neutrality.
- Explain that the forementioned issues are not partisan issues, but rather human rights issues. That they are not Democratic or Republican values, but American values.
- Bush bash again. Preferably by mentioning human rights abuses. Guantanamo, extraordinary rendition, wiretapping, etc.
- Personal story: This is optional. There have been some really great ones so far. Only use this point if you have a really good one. Otherwise it might be seen as self serving. So far the best one I've heard is Eric Massa winning over a rural man holding an unloaded shotgun. If there is humor involved, you have a better chance of getting a good reaction.
- Own your Republican framing. If you are Clinton, talk about your cleavage. Edwards should flip his hair. Then attack the main stream media that perpetuates these idiotic stories. The incompetance and bias of the media is a pet peeve of ours.
- Close with a final compliment for us. "I will restore this country. I will resore the constitution to its rightful place and will repair our international relations. But I need help. You have proven just how influential and important the netroots are. Help me to bring back the America we were promised..... yadda yadda yaqdda." You get the idea.
A few other tips:
Attack Bush, Cheney, and Rove as much as physically possible. We will boo and hiss on cue.
References to O'Reilly should be humorous; there's a lot of material to work with. He a giant bloviating joke. If you simply mention the word loofah, you are guarenteed laughter. This particulaly goes for those candidates who haven't weighed in on the current kerfuffle.
When people start cheering in the middle of your point, keep going. Speak louder and louder until you are shouting out to the crowd. Don't forget, there are an alarming number of Deaniacs here. Whip us into a frenzy. Frankly, we like it.
Finally, don't take the above to mean that you don't need to come prepared for some tough questions. You are speaking to roughly 1000 well informed bloggers and active Democrats. Everything you say can and will be used both for you and against you. Think of it this way, you are about to speak before a group that is the equivalent of hundreds of CNN political analysts. Only better.
Good Luck.