It's been another record-breaking year for the poppy growers in Afghanistan. I wouldn’t say that our war-against-drugs is ineffective and led by dim-witted myopic authoritarians. That’s already been established. It’s time for putting new strategies forward.
Here are some ways to fight the drug war that the police-state never imagined:
Anti-Smoking Strategy -- End tobacco subsidies. Require cigarette makers to remove all additives (e.g., ammonia) from their products. Make marijuana legal but only as a spice, not in inhalable form. Fund research for a field test for THC so impaired driving could be controlled. Tax marijuana like cigarettes and alcohol. Earmark all these tax receipts to health care and education programs.
Prison Strategy -- Release all non-violent prisoners in jail for simple possession of marijuana. Reduce the sentences of all non-violent prisoners in jail for distribution of marijuana to community service. Allow violent and life-term prisoners to smoke all the marijuana they want, they're never going anywhere anyway. Use the reduction in the prison population to redirect funds to rehabilitate the remaining prisoners.
Pharmaceutical Strategy -- Make cocaine legal as a prescription drug (actually, it already is) for anxiety. Require doctors and pharmacists to report their dispensing of the drug. Require users to carry a medical ID authorizing their use of the drug. Fund research for a field test for THC so impaired driving could be controlled.
Military Strategy -- Develop a pacification bomb consisting of powdered marijuana and an ignition source. The device would be deployed against enemy strongholds in a Smoke-and-Awesome campaign before an attack. The pacified enemies would then be controllable using Twinkies.
Free Trade Strategy -- Export marijuana to countries that don’t cooperate with the US in controlling heroin, meth, cocaine, and other drugs. Use the funds from the marijuana sales to buy American-made consumer goods (like soccer balls) for distribution to the populace in countries we invade.
Agricultural Strategy -- Poppies don’t compete well with other plants, so deploy crop-dusters to spray all of Afghanistan with a seed mixture of kudzu, ragweed, crabgrass, thistle, dandelion, crown vetch, buckthorn, poison ivy, honeysuckle, mint, tansy, and bamboo.
So, there are a few ideas to get started. Of course there would be competition in the beginning from the major drug dealers in the world -- the Colombians, the Mafia, and the CIA -- but eventually things would settle down. The funds that would have gone chasing aging hippies growing a few pot plants in their back yards could be redirected to destroying meth labs and arresting actors for impaired driving. And wouldn't that make the world a better place?