In a signing ceremony in the Rose Garden, President Bush issued an executive order that will change Daylight Saving Time to Subprime Lender Time. Reading from a prepared statement, President Bush outlined his plan.
Here is the text from the President's statement.
"‘mercunsh shouldn’t have to live in the dark. In fear. Constantly looking over their shoulder. In other words, people should look on the bright side of life. In that Christian epic, The Life of Brian, depicts the positive message of Jesus on the cross. He didn’t ask God why he forsaked him. He sang and whistled. We live in a Christian nation, and people who live in the threat of foreclosure should heed the positive message of Christ. See, you gotta be positive. I’m fixin’ to lose my house in two years too. Laura, me, and Barney have to get out. My daughter might have to get married in a field on my ranch. It’s hard.
We are doing everything to help out those ‘mercunsh who live in the threat of foreclosure. First, I have issued an executive order changing Daylight Savings Time to Subprime Lenders Time. We’re not just changin’ the name. During Subprime Lenders Time, the sun will shine for twenty-three days, six days a week. Some people say that it isn’t physically possible, but we believe there isn’t good science on it. With twenty-three hours of sunlight, people who get foreclosed won’t have to move out in the dark. See, ‘mercansh are better’n ‘at.
Another key part of Subprime Lenders Time will be to rescue the lenders that provide these loans. Banks and mortgagers are key to our economy. If they lose money, they can’t keep making these loans. Then we get empty houses. Lost jobs. Some people say there should be tighter regulations on loans, but government shouldn’t run people’s lives. We can’t save people from bad choices, but we’re gonna do everything we can to help."