Waterboarding involves strapping a person down and pouring water over his cloth-covered face to create the sensation of drowning.
That's the Associated Press talking, not Judge Mukasey or some other gutless amoral torture apologist. (NOTE: I originally said that the New York Times published the wire. Some say I erred. I did not err. I relied upon the best information then available to me, and if I'd known then what I know now of course I might have said something else. In addition, I am beginning to feel a lot more like I do now than I did when I came in.)
Anyway, AP or Times, I like the philosophical elision. You aren't really drowning. You just feel as though you are. The descriptive technique offers us all boundless opportunities. I list only a few.
First of all, using this descriptive technique anyone can do anything to anybody:
The "Russian Telephone call" involves running an electrified wire through an old-fashioned telephone dial and attaching it to the prisoner's foot to create the sensation of being electrocuted.
" 'Splainin'" involves beating the prisoner about the face with a rubber hose in order to create the sensation of being beaten about the face with a rubber hose.
It will provide accused criminals with an excellent and universal defense:
Defendant introduced a six-inch-long steak knife between the victim's fourth and fifth left ribs in order to give the victim the sensation of being stabbed to death.
It has everyday uses as well:
Uh, well, Ms. Stonebreaker, "not doing my homework" involves withholding certain papers in order to give you the sensation of my not having done my homework.
Honey, you merely have the sensation that I didn't take out the trash. What actually might or might not happen in the future with the trash is another subject entirely.
Well, enough of this. I have to get dressed and go to work. Although come to think of it...