Claiming she has vastly more experience than her opponent, Hillary Clinton released a campaign commercial showing children asleep in their beds as a doomsday voice asks "Who's most qualified to answer the White House phone when it rings at three in the morning?" Which makes a valid point. She's answered that phone many times at three a.m. – but it was usually Bill asking her to call him a cab. In a full-press TV studio assault, Hillary made a cameo appearance on "Saturday Night Live" followed by a drop in on "The Daily Show." Her delegate numbers may be in the tank, but she's now the front-runner to win "Last Comic Standing."
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Meanwhile, John McCain was busy hosting an outdoor barbecue at his Arizona ranch for members of the campaign press pool. Expertly wielding tongs, fork and basting brush with equal aplomb, he dazzled them at the controls of his 12-burner Charm-Glow preparing his famous baby back ribs, using a secret Mastodon recipe handed down from his maternal grandfather, OG McCain. John is still getting plenty of flack for predicting that the US may be in Iraq another hundred years. But you have to remember, at his age, a hundred years doesn't seem all that long. Reprising the Broadway hit based on Lorraine Hansberry’s play, ABC is preparing a small screen version of "A Raisin in the Sun." But be careful you don't confuse it with the similarly titled McCain campaign documentary "Prunes on the Straight Talk Express." Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, visiting Baghdad without the ultra-tight security with which Bush and his henchmen must be surrounded whenever they show up, told the cheering Iraqi's "The presence of foreigners... is nothing but a humiliation to the regional nations." Dick Cheney is reported to be ecstatic that his prediction about being "welcomed as liberators" turned out to be dead on – he just had the wrong country.
Florida legislator Donald Brown has introduced a bill that would allow the DMV to issue personalized, Confederate-themed license plates designed "to show pride in our heritage." Biggest obstacle now is how to fit an entire lynch mob on a license plate. Archivists at the University of Rochester have discovered letters signed by Abraham Lincoln in which he suggests that the money being spent on the Civil War, then $58 million per month, be better spent purchasing all the slaves in the US for $173,048,800 – or $400 each. Which, shamefully, is the lowest value ever placed on slaves – if you don't count Wal-Mart.
William F. Buckley, father of modern conservatism, died at age 82. The founder of the National Review and host of "Firing Line," as a college student he opposed the US entry into WWII and defended the communist witch hunt led by Sen. Joseph McCarthy. Later, he suggested that AIDS victims be tattooed and believed that only educated people ought to be given the vote. In his memory, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Dennis Prager, Michael Medved, Bill Bennett, Laura Ingram and Hugh Hewett honored him with one minute of just this kind heartless, nonsensical conservative blather.
Excerpted from www.bereftontheleft.blogspot.com
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