The NFL announced a new rule for the 2008 - 2009 football season. Starting this fall, games will be played for only three quarters. "Who needs 60 minutes? Forty five are enough! Anyone who watched this year's Super Bowl knows that nothing important or game changing ever happens in the last few minutes!", said NFL Commission Roger Goodell in announcing the decision.
Similar news was announced by Major League Baseball.
"Starting now, baseball games will be eight innings, and that's it. If it's a tie, we'll give the win to the team with more money in the bank. The last thing we'd want is a repetition of '97, when the Marlins won the series in extra innings in the seventh game. Borrr-ing!", said Baseball Commissioner Allan H. (Bud) Selig.
The MLB rule change was announced while various spring training games were in progress, and was applied to those games retroactively and midstream. In response to an angry outcry from coaches and players, Selig replied, "It's what the MSM gatekeepers demanded!"
In an effort to keep up with the modern trend of shortening all contests, National Hockey League Commissioner Gary Bettman announced the NHL will jump on the bandwagon. "Two periods of twenty minutes is more than enough! Our third period is just redundant. And, it gets cold on that ice! We don't want anyone competiting to experience any inconvenience or the least bit of discomfort."
Inspired by the audacity of professional sports, many Obama campaign supporters similarly seek to shorten the Democratic nominating process, before several large states, swing states and the commonwealth with the largest population of Hispanic voters get to have their say. Said one spokesman anonymously, "Let's shorten the contest, and award the nomination by pre convention acclamation to the guy with a plurality of delegates. And, let's do it before anyone can catch up in delegates or votes cast - - although it's highly unlikely anyone can, we're obviously real scared they will!"
FINI
(For those who will demand a link, it's all fictional !!!)