Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
In today's world, that could refer to a vast multitude of things. In this case, however, I have reference to one particular subject....namely, me.
I'd wanted to talk about this on Monday, which is the day I did a deed I'd swore I'd never do. But life got in the way as it often does and I had to wait until today.
I'd made frequent, loud, and public oaths. I swore down to the marrow in my bones I'd never, ever, ever do it. I'd been snide, mean, cynical, rude, and frankly downright cruel and hurtful in treatment of people--real friends, even--who disagreed with me.
After the utter debacle that was the Samuel Alito confirmation, I re-registered from Democrat to Independent and have since withheld my vote from all Democrats, which I saw as my only means to protest that fiasco. (And many others)
But on Monday...*deep breath*...
I re-registered as a Democrat so I could vote for Barack Obama in Pennsylvania's primary.
I never trusted Barack Obama.
Why should I? He's a politician. And if there's one lesson to be learned from human history dating all the way back to ancient Greece, it's quite simply this: politicians cannot be trusted. I saw no reason to give him the benefit of the doubt.
As time passed and I began to see the great movement rallying around Obama, including many people who (so I defined it) should know better than to trust so much, I began to grow irritated. Soon the irritation blossomed into anger which became full blown, irrational rage. I made many, MANY rude comments about the Cult of Obama.
Finally it all came to a head some days ago after the Wright speech. While I was damned impressed by it (and who couldn't be?) I became absolutely furious when I saw people referring to it as one of the greatest speeches of all time. That was when I told all Obama supporters to go to hell, swore to undermine them whenever I could, and figuratively gathered my robes about me and stormed off in a huff.
It wasn't long before I started thinking, "What happened to me?" I've always been a caustic cynic, but I'd become what I'd never been before: Bitter. Deeply, resentfully bitter.
That's no way to live life. And then these words took to beating about my head, words of the only person who I can really say is my idol:
We can succeed only by concert. It is not "Can any of us imagine better?" but, "Can we all do better?" The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew. We must disenthrall ourselves, and then we shall save our country.
And this, perhaps the most transcendent words any American has ever uttered:
With malice toward none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his orphan--to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations.
I don't mean to compare Obama with Lincoln in terms of equivocating the two. Were it a sporting event, the box score would look something like this:
Lincoln: Saved the Republic
Obama: 0
But when I look around the nation and see so many of my fellow citizens suffering....when I see people crippled by rising gas and food prices...when I see a senseless war that has ruined the lives of hundreds of thousands...when I see my own home state's college assistance program suspending new loans because they simply don't have the money anymore...when I see the very world itself beginning to die because of the irresponsibility of so many...
Then when I lay aside prejudices and see a candidate who says he wants to help lift the burdens of debt and poverty from the backs of millions...when I see a candidate who has promised to begin an immediate (the key sticking point with me) withdrawal from Iraq...when I see a candidate who wants to open, not bar the doors to education and a better life...and when I see a candidate who has defined the collapse of the climate as one of the great moral challenges of this generation (admittedly he doesn't go NEARLY far enough here, but perhaps that can be remedied)...when I see all that, I have to listen.
Barack Obama is a moderate. If not a radical, I am at least first cousin to one. Barack Obama is a very religious man. I am an atheist. Barack Obama wants to reach across the aisle and unite and conciliate. While I acknowledge that those are extraordinarily noble sentiment, I remain skeptical. I fear reaching across the aisle may only water down, if not entirely ruin, many of his programs. I also fear for him politically: attempting to levitate above the fray is all well and good, but you can only unite if the other side is willing to listen, which it is not. Obama may be headed down a path that will relegate his presidency to John Adams v2.0.
But all of that is in the future.
For now I am presented with a candidate who is not even close to my ideal on many, many issues. But after much thought over the past days, I have firmly come to believe this: Barack Obama will listen. He may be willing to consider new ideas and new positions. With united and determined effort, he may be susceptible to being pushed leftward on important issues.
And isn't that, after all, the point of the relationship between the citizens of a republic and their elected leaders? A dialogue. I can believe that Obama will, at last, restore to the people a voice in how their government is run. And that means a lot.
For now, I think of the words of my friend gottlieb:
Obama? Well, at least it's a chance.
Perhaps our last one.
Clutching at straws? Maybe. But otherwise the only choice is wrap resentment around me like a blanket and fall quietly into the abyss. And I don't want to do that. Not anymore. For too long I've been shackled by bitterness. That's no way to live. Plus, it's not really me...I'm not one who has ever been willing to go gently into that good night. Now that the choice has been narrowed to a chance at daylight or eternal darkness...it's time to make a decision. And I have.
I want it understood that I remain deeply suspicious of Obama. He seeks power and though he tells us he seeks it to do good, I believe the most important maxim of a free society is to always suspect those who seek it, no matter what. But at some point you have to give humanity the benefit of the doubt, even if they don't deserve it. Because otherwise, what is left?
Nothing.
A message to Obama supporters: I apologize for the cult comments. I'm a stupid reactionary asshole with a volcanic temper who fires off at the mouth without thinking. Combine that with a sadly excellent ability to be really really hurtful and you have a recipe for frequent embarrassment.
That being said, I want to make a plea for all Obama supporters to remember that the candidate is a man and not a messiah. Do not sit back and expect him to make it all better. He can do nothing without you. I believe the candidate would be the first to agree.
If he makes a gigantic fuck-up, PLEASE hold his feet to the fire and do not defend him no matter what, simply because he's your chosen leader.
A message to Senator Obama: I remain leery. I do not like many things you have done. For instance, do not think I or many others have forgotten your appalling and unbelievably condescending Daily Kos diary following the John Roberts confirmation. There are others, but I have grown too long-winded already.
More importantly: please, please DO NOT FUCK THIS UP. You have created a remarkable movement here. If you are elected president you cannot fail. You must keep your promises.
You have inspired the apathetic. You have brought hope to the hopeless.
If you become just another in the long line of those who have broken promises and dashed hopes, you will destroy millions of people who have placed their last ounce of faith in your hands. The consequences will be long lasting and far reaching.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Fatherly advice is difficult to accept many times, but is often valid. George Washington once had this to say:
"We must. . .make the best of mankind as they are, since we cannot have them as we wish."
There are times to stand firmly on principle. After this election, I fully intend to become an Independent again. It stems from my belief that political parties are bad. They create a greater loyalty to themselves than to the country. Many, many of the entrenched evils we face today can be traced to the two-party system. I have no desire to help further that.
There are, however, times to climb down off the moral high ground. There are times when the ship is sinking and you can either drown for sure or grab a bucket and start bailing.
I began this journey in 2003 with Howard Dean. I continued it in 2004 with John Kerry.
I want to strive on to finish the work.
The question remains...Can we do better?
I never thought I'd say this but...
God help me...
Yes we can.
(crossposted at: My Left Wing, Blue House Diaries, and The Wild Wild Left)