We hear them again and again, not always from the same people, not always in the same era, but they continually return and effortlessly roll off the tongue. An appreciable number of Americans have grown to love or at least to be cajoled those magical slogans. In fact, they have become such a staple of politicians and power brokers that they can take on a life of their own. They are slippery little things that spread like a virus when people are backed up against the wall of immanent failure or are streaking toward a defeat and have nothing substantial to say.
So, here is a list of my favorites. After them there will be translations from "Captain Subtext." He’s a demented soul who has a bizarre view of reality; that means that he knows the Bush-Cheney-Republican-Neocon mind. (I have resurrected Captain Subtext from the British comedy "Coupling.")
Withdrawal with honor.
Captain Subtext Translation 1: We’ve failed to attain victory, but we still need some more of your children to be killed.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: We got involved in an unethical war, but we need to cover up the dishonor so that we have an excuse while the dead keep piling up.
Captain Subtext Translation 3: As long as there is room in the cemetery, we’re going to keep this going.
I believe in peace through strength.
Captain Subtext Translation 1: I’m a bully.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: I have a big army so I don’t have to negotiate or use diplomacy. Peace? Whoops, I forgot about that part.
Captain Subtext Translation 3: First we’ll attack you, then we’ll talk to you.
Captain Subtext Translation 4: Let’s fire a warning shot in their chest.
They need to stand on their own.
Captain Subtext Translation 1: If you think I’m giving up any of my money, you’re crazy.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: I don’t care about anybody else.
Captain Subtext Translation 3: I can’t contribute, I’ve just got to have that new Mercedes.
Get off the dime. (This one’s personal. My mother-in-law liked to say it about the unemployed. She never had to work.)
Captain Subtext Translation 1: I’m lazy so you need to work for the two of us.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: I’ve got money so I don’t need to have sympathy for anyone else.
Cut and Run
Captain Subtext Translation 1: Chicken! Na Na NaNaNa.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: What do you mean you don’t want to fight for my ideology, you coward.
Captain Subtext Translation 3: I want to embarrass you into doing something that is futile and will probably kill you.
"We are fighting these terrorists with our military in Afghanistan and Iraq and beyond so we do not have to face them in the streets of our own cities." Short version: We fight them there so that we don’t have to fight them here.
Captain Subtext Translation 1: Crap! They really didn’t attack us. Uh. Give me a few minutes. This is the best excuse that I can come up with on short notice.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: Okay, now we’re already there and they have found out that we shouldn’t be there - so use this slogan.
Captain Subtext Translation 3: A lot of people are dying for a lie, maybe this lie will work better.
Captain Subtext Translation 4: Red Dawn! Red Dawn! Red Dawn! Beware the terrorists! Terrorists! Terrorists! Terrorists! Tora! Tora! Tora!
War on Terror
Captain Subtext Translation 1: We need a war that we don’t have to declare.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: We need a war that can be declared against anyone.
Captain Subtext Translation 3: We need a war that will never have an end.
Weapons of Mass Destruction.
Captain Subtext Translation 1: This phrase ought to scare the crap out of them.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: We need a phrase of biblical proportions that will make them think that it’s the end of days
Captain Subtext Translation 3: We need a phrase that will encourage fear and hate.
We don’t want the smoking gun to come in the form of a mushroom cloud.
We don’t want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud.
Captain Subtext Translation 1: No there isn’t any danger, but I can trick them with an image of nuclear war.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: We shouldn’t be fighting this war but this might scare them into thinking it’s another Pearl Harbor
Captain Subtext Translation 3: I’ve gotten so good at lying that I just can’t stop doing it.
Captain Subtext Translation 4: (Reprise) Red Dawn! Red Dawn! Red Dawn! Tora! Tora! Tora! Beware the terrorists! Terrorists! Terrorists! Terrorists! They're hiding behind your couch.
No child left behind.
Captain Subtext Translation 1: I want to shut down the Department of Education, so while I try, I need a slogan to make people think that I care about children.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: A slogan is a hell of a lot cheaper than using money to improve education. I seem to remember, "Just Say No!" That cured the drug problem, didn't it.
Captain Subtext Translation 3: Let me see, how can I give money to education when I need more for the War? I’ve got it. I’ll give them a slogan instead. It’s ingenious.
Ask not what your country can do for you ask what you can do for your country.
Captain Subtext Translation 1: Bush: "Ask what your country can do for me and ask how your country can make money for my friends."
Captain Subtext Translation 2: The Republicans were asked what they could do for the country. They responded, "What? That’s not the way we do it."
Captain Subtext Translation 3: A Republican said, "Don’t you have that backwards; I think its the opposite of that."
Captain Subtext Translation 4: Bush quotes Kennedy, "Ask not what the corporations can do for your country, ask what your country can do for the corporations."
It's the economy, stupid.
Captain Subtext Translation 1: It’s the stupid Republican economy that’s hurting us.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: "The economy is stupid," said the Republicans
Captain Subtext Translation 3: When the economy is not stupid, the Republicans will make it stupid.
Speak softly and carry a big stick.
Captain Subtext Translation 1: Cheney, "Hell, that will never work. First you have to beat them with the stick."
Captain Subtext Translation 2: Quietly sneak up on them and bash them with the stick.
Captain Subtext Translation 3:. Shhhh. Bam! Shhhh. Bam! Shhhh. Bam!
Are you better off than you were four years ago?
Captain Subtext Translation 1: Well, Bush can’t use this one, can he.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: I hope I can get out of here before this Titanic capsizes
Captain Subtext Translation 3: Whoops. They’re not better off than they were eight years ago.
Guns Don’t Kill People; people kill people.
Captain Subtext Translation 1: Ugh. Me like to kill. See blood run.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: Have gun rack will travel - to a foreign land.
Captain Subtext Translation 3: That’s right and I’ve got the people to kill those people in Iraq.
Don't swap horses in midstream
Captain Subtext Translation 1: I got us into this mess so let me keep us in this mess for another four years.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: Oh God, please re-elect me.
Captain Subtext Translation 3: No, I ain’t switching horses in mid stream. Crap, my horse just drowned. Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle.
We are turning the corner
Captain Subtext Translation 1: And we just got hit by a bus.
Captain Subtext Translation 2: And we just got run over by the debt.
Captain Subtext Translation 3: And turning the corner, and turning the corner, and turning the corner, and turning the corner. Look ma, it’s NASCAR.
Feel free to add your favorite slogans and subtext.