Hi there, Hillaryland. You've been calling me a sexist jerk because I voted for Barack Obama, and because I seriously dislike Hillary Clinton.
You're so right!
I've gone for a long, deep swim in Lake Me, searched my soul, and come up with a list of the very sexist and anti-woman reasons for my vote.
- Iraq. If Hillary had voted against the authorization for use of military force in Iraq, I probably would have voted for her. But she voted with the rest of the deadbeats in the Senate who did not read the national intelligence estimate, enabling the greatest foreign policy disaster in our nation's history. You're right: I'm a sexist.
- Iran. If Hillary had voted against the Lieberman/Kyl amendment, which provided Bush with legal wiggle-room to bomb the city of Tehran, which would probably kill millions of people, I bet I'd have voted for her. Obama missed that vote. If she'd voted like a liberal, she'd have earned my vote for President fair and square, and I would have pulled the lever for her on Super Tuesday instead of Obama. But she backed Bush, years after her Iraq vote, meaning she's learned nothing good about foreign policy during her time in the Senate. So I voted against her because of that. You're right, Hillaryland: I'm a sexist.
- NAFTA. Does the truth about her advocacy for NAFTA during the 90s even matter a little? Does truth matter? I guess it does. This makes me a sexist pig.
- Lobbyists Are People Too. My distrust for politicians who take millions of dollars from the health insurance industry and arms dealers clearly puts me in the misogynist category. That's fair.
- Your state doesn't matter. I live in New York. New York went Hillary. If your state went Obama, you do not count. At first, this bothered me. I thought that every American matters. Every vote counts. Democracy is best when practised by the people, rather than smokey backroom deals and rules committees. But I realize now that this makes me a woman-hating freak of Chris Matthews-like proportions.
- The Gas Tax Pander. Siding with John McCain on a very obviously transparent pander is dispicable. I was already against her, because she's a war hawk, a liar, a sellout, and because I'm a total sexist, duh, but this pushed me over the edge. The edge being "Eh, I guess I'd still be OK with her being in office as opposed to a Republican." But no way. She has crossed the unbearable liar threshhold, and she sooner she's out of public life the better for all of us.
- The Losing Campaign. How is the loser of a national primary more electable than the winner of a national primary? Oh, I know! Misogyny! I want a President who doesn't go deep into debt. I want a President who doesn't shamelessly apply a new accent to her or his speech depending on who the audience is. I'll never forgive the Clintons for putting Mark Penn on my television. Doesn't his Lobbyist business partner work for John McCain? Oh, dear me, there I go with sexism again!
- I'm a hard working white American. Is it too much to ask that a Democratic candidate refrain from using official White Power Movement language while running against a person of African descent? Yes it is, it turns out. God, it's almost vulgar, what a chauvenistic pig I'm being.
- I hate my mom. Just kidding. My mom works for a living. During the course of my entire life, my mother showed me, by example, what a work ethic looks like when it's in overdrive. She's an honest, brave, intelligent, educated, funny, beautiful creature and she gave me everything I ever had, including my life. I've watched as she battled challenges, illnesses, hardships, heartbreaks, and depressions with style and grace. She still teaches me new things as I grow deeper into adulthood. I could never thank her enough. I love and respect every human on Earth because of the values she instilled in me. If every woman was like my mother, then every woman would deserve a turn at the Presidency.
My mom doesn't like Hillary Clinton either. She must be a woman hater or something.