"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer."
Thank you all for coming. And now -- Senator McCain will take some questions:
Senator, who speaks for you?
"I speak for me."
Senator, who speaks for Barack Obama?
"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer. It seems to me that Senator Obama is letting a lot of people speak for him. I don't agree with any of them."
Senator, what about the collapse of the U.S. dollar?
"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer."
Senator, what about the continued weakness in the U.S. economy?
"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer....BUT, we might be in a mental recession -- I don't know. Phil Gramm says so, but he doesn't speak for me. I speak for me, and I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer."
Senator, what about the mortgage crisis?
"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer."
Senator, what about the oil crisis?
"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer...BUT, if we authorize more drilling, that will provide us more oil in 10 years and will be a psychological boost now, just like my gas tax holiday. That'll take care of Phil Gramm's mental recession, which I don't necessarily agree with -- but I'll have to consult on that one with people who understand the economy."
Senator, what about your voting record on veterans' health?
"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer. But, I don't think you know what you're talking about -- disagreeing with my own view of my record. I'll have to get back to you on that one."
Senator, what about Iran?
"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer. They're the Sunnis right? No? The Shi'a? We have to be deeply concerned about what they're doing. We have to kill them. Just kidding."
Senator, what about the ethnic cleansing in Iraq?
"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer. Senator Obama hasn't been to Iraq in a long time. He doesn't know or understand what's going on there."
Senator, what about the genocide and ethnic cleansing in Darfur?
"I don't think Senator Obama has been to Darfur in a long time, either. I don't think he understands the situation there. He hasn't been to Afghanistan. I was there. I think I have a t-shirt to prove it."
Senator, reports are that you're considering Carly Fiorina as your running mate. What does she bring to the ticket?
"People tell me that our economy is in trouble. I think Senator Fiorina knows something about that. Also, I've worked with her. I trust her....Excuse me? Say again? She's not a senator? Who the hell is she? I saw her on my wife's plane last week. Who the hell is she? I'll have to get back to you on that one."
Senator, what....
"Sorry, I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer."
Senator....
"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer."
"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer."
Senator, why are you running for President?
"I don't know enough about it to give you an informed answer. I think it has something to do with losing to that pipsqueak 8 years ago."