Well, the authors of the "Left Behind" series have gave us all a sigh of relief by announcing that Barack is not, in fact, the Antichrist. In fact, in Markos' front page article we get the relief that the Antichrist can't even possibly be American. It's down to Egypt and Israel. One more reason to work so hard against a President McCain. In "George W Bush Iraq Invasion" logic he'd have enough evidence to bomb those two countries off the map.
However, if Obama is not the Antichrist...how on earth will the fringe right wing demean him? I've got a few ideas, and if you're up for a little Friday afternoon snark, follow me to the fold!
I present to you the definitive list of suspects for who Obama REALLY is.
- Loki
Loki was tall. Barack is tall. Need I say more?
I can just see the "McCain as Thor" ads now...
- Brainiac
Sure, you might say this is a blatantly fictional character (unlike Loki, who approximately 51% as of last election would probably say was real). That's just what the bleeding heart liberals want you believe.
I mean, Brainiac was obviously smart. Barack is obviously smart. It's so obvious...
Imagine the narratives of Superman McCain fighting for justice. And he's been doing it all his life, having been 4 years old when Superman was created. Yes people, John McCain is older than Superman. I'm just saying...
- Lord Voldemort
Now this one will play well in the suburbs with the kiddies. Isn't it obvious? Barack kind of has a flat nose. Voldemort REALLY has a flat nose. Both can at times speak with their hands, ha.
It's obvious. Barack is he who shall not be named...
- The Joker
I'm sure you all saw The Dark Knight. Did you not notice that you never once saw The Joker without his face paint. Can you saw with absolute certainty that it wasn't Obama? I don't think so...
- Darth Chef
It's all so obvious now. Darth Chef was black. Barack is black. How could we miss it?
An investigation must be launched immediately to find out if it was, in fact, Obama who killed Isaac Hayes.
- Jason Vorhees
You know how Jason always has that damn hockey mask on? It's because he's trying to act white, not being black enough himself. Just like Obama. It's so clear now...
- Adolf Hitler
We've never seen the body. Do you have any proof that Adolf Hitlers brain wasn't transplanted into a young Hawaiian male's body? I don't.
Are we really going to stand for another reign by the Nazi's? Only Captain America McCain can save us.
- ManBearPig
Sorry to go to the South Park well again, but how else are the Republicans going to pull off the biggest coup in history by turning Al Gore against his own Party?
ManBearPig
- The demon from Evil Dead
I'm not arguing that Barack Obama is actually the demonic force from The Evil Dead trilogy. I'm just arguing that he's been taken over by them and has lost his free will.
Imagine the imagery this one will allow. I just don't know if McCain has the guts to go through with the chainsaw upgrade..
- Megatron
Yes, he's a Transformer. Yes, he's a robot. So you're sitting there thinking "this makes no sense, how is Obama Megatron?"
Obviously, you've never heard of Pretenders.
There was a time when we could tell gigantic robot from human, but no more. Ever since they began cleverly disguising themselves as humans...we just don't know.
That beautiful shell that is Barack Obama will split 5 seconds after he's sworn in...revealing the leader of the Decepticons and our new overlord.
Is that a chance we can afford to take? I don't think so!
Anyway, those weren't in any particular order but should give our right-wing fringe trolls some good ideas to take back to the think tanks. Because, frankly, we deserve a better class of fictional characters to pretend Barack Obama is!