I have been a long-time supporter of Hillary Rodham Clinton (AKA Alpha-Babe) but events of this morning have chilled me to the bone. I can't imagine anything more coldblooded and calculating as the manipulations of the Clinton/Clinton Campaign for World Domination (CCCFWD as we call it at the meetings). Still I have stood silently as "Ca-Ca-KaFwuddd"(that's how we pronouce it at the meetings) systematically acted to slander MLK, disparage the theme song of "Good Times" and plant actual crack heroin (Opps, we didn't do that one yet) on Mr. Obama (who we all secretly adore but gleefully attack after years of Orwellian mind control torture).
However, this morning I recieved a "memo" involving a sinister plot SOOO heinious that, that I had to make it known to the world. Here is that "secret memo"...
Weds. January 30, 2008, 2300hrs EST
From: #1 Bubba
To: Level II Sub-Bubba XXXXXXXXXX
Re: Operation: Divert Me Baby One More Time
Dear fellow Supporters of "Alpha Babe", tomorrow we shall come under yet another assault from the righteous forces at the New York Times. They plan to twist a tiny little influence peddling junket to Kazakhistan into a big ole' shitstorm. The time to act is now and we shall need your concerted actions if this assault is to be thwarted.
Now we all know that the moneys that I have "raised" for "charity" have actually been used to build gigantic underground bunkers for Climate-Change Rays and trained Attack Sharks but the American public at-large may not see the beautiful logic of this, new and improved "Third Way". It is imperative that we divert the publics attention from this Kazakh scandal. Fortunately we have forseen such a disaster and put "resources" in place to create a diversion: a "diversionary tactic" if you will.
In the early hours tomorrow morning, our collegues at TMZ will release the shocking news that Britney Spears, America's new heartbreak kid (and quite a piece of veal in her school skirt days...) will be carted off under massive security to a super-secret detention facillity. Even I don't know the actual location but it has the sinister acronym "U.C.L.A."
You see we have been secretly spiking Ms. Spears supply of Red Bull with crazy juice (really easy, she goes to the same RiteAid pharmacy every night and I always keep a supply of "crazy juice" for our political adversarys ... hear that Dean!!") and then, when we REALLY needed to divert some attention...BLAM! Call in our operatives at the LAPD and CHIP and we've got a story with 2 weeks of legs.
You see Greta and Nancy and Pat and Mary will be numbing the minds of America non-stop through next Tuesdays Primary! Not only will this stem any Kazakh-a-gate buzz, it will frighten Americans, and you know how much we secretly love the "Politics Of Fear" BWAAAHHAAAAAHHAAAAA!!......
Okay, so this "memo" is going out to all HillBots, SubBubba Level III and higher because we need help on the street. It is important that you get our message out to the people. At the water cooler talk about "oh, poor Britanny, can't those papparazzi leave her alone, blah, blah..." instead of "Gosh, Bill Clinton really IS a traitor to his county, who'd a thunk?". Most importantly CLOG UP THE BLOGS.
Those contemptous bloggers are the last line of defense against our CCCFWD (forget what that means already). They will use this, latest treasonous act to block the ascendancy of "Alpha Babe" and carry that cretinous "O-Mama" fellow on there shoulders to victory and liberty.
Now march, my soldiers! Go on and spread the Britney bullshit far and wide. Remember: every blogger reading shit like this is one less Defender Of Justice guarding America' throne from our Imperious Reign.
That's the last straw...I just...can't...take...anymore....