Bugging Rudy Giuliani's apartment turned out to be easy. I simply typed a fake "National Security Letter" on fake FBI stationery and sent it to a local Radio Shack, "instructing" them to "forthwith" install the equipment at Rudy's place. I said if they blabbed they would be jailed pursuant to 21 U.S.C. 28761(2)(i)(b). Within days I had a pimply-faced kid at my door with the tape. I wore a flag pin when I answered the door, and the kid practically saluted. You can get away with anything these days.
JUDITH GIULIANI: How do you want your eggs?
RUDY GIULIANI: The usual. Cooked in the shell. Just like the World Trade--
J: Rudy, you promised. None of that at the table.
R: Okay, okay. Hey, look at the salt and pepper shakers! Here's the North Tower, 8:46, and here comes the first plane, BRRR--EEE-OWWWWW---
J: Rudy, PUT that fork down. I am getting concerned about you. Really--
R: Ka BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
J: Rudy, don't shout.
R: Well, I'm sorry, hon, but when you've lived through 9-11--
J: I feel like I have. Several hundred thousand times.
R: No you haven't. Look at this pepper shaker. Before I could arrive on the scene to prevent it, here came the second plane, BRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW--
J: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT! AND PUT DOWN THAT FORK!
R: KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!
J: Now look! You've got pepper all over the tablecloth. What is the matter with you? People are starting to complain, you know. At that wedding yesterday you went so overboard with this--
R: Judy, I admit I went overboard at your friend's wedding, but the 9-11 victims went overboard too. Some of them from the 102d floor.
J: STOP IT! STOP IT! RUDY, JUST TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND STOP IT!
[SILENCE]
R: Okay, honey. Look, I'm sorry.
[SILENCE]
R: I said I'm SORRY.
J: Okay, you're sorry. But I want you to call those people and apologize.
R: For what?
J: For what you did to the cake.