Remember on the SATs you got a minus for the wrong choice – so it was better to just leave it blank – well the die hard looney bins in the Republican party must be feeling a bit like that now, picking any one of these guys is a big fat minus --- and too fracking bad!
I am not predicting anything yet – but it is SO apparent that the never-right pundits are correct on one thing --- GOOPers really want to choose "None of the above" from the laundry list of ‘candidates’ in the race. Each one of the GOP candidates has so much dog shit on their shoes, it really does stink out there. We should feel sorry for those poor Republicans – yeah right – the roosters are finally come home to roost. And after Iowa, the choices look so much worse.
Let’s take a look at the baggage:
Grandpa Fred – old, boring and completely uninspiring – even to his own base. The great savior from Law & Order is more like the Creature from the Back Lot. Old bag Kate O’Beirne said Fred had "good conservative credentials" but what she failed to say was that Thompson just phones in his performances and really is just another tired and lazy actor. Heck, Reagan at least had his legs blown off in Kings Row, all Fred does is lecture ADAs. Is also probably not all that bright, but among these morons he looks somewhat smart. Bad communicator, tends to put people to sleep. Good chance he drops out after South Carolina if he doesn’t do well. Will leave Mary Matalin unemployed and searching for another place to spew her bile. The GOP would have been better off digging up Reagan and putting Fred in the casket.
Rudy – nasty, arrogant and condescending. The longer the campaigning went on, the more the Judi and Bernie shit would hit the fan. Final straws seem to be the police escorts of Judi (whether paid for him or not, he paid a big political price), the ‘mysterious’ hospital visit in St. Louis and the fact he thinks Cheney could make a good choice for the vice-presidency. Whole campaign is like an episode of Fear Factor – and watching him is like the bug eating part. Married/divorced cousin. Own kids hate him. Announced divorce from Donna Hanover (who has been on Law & Order – like Fred!) at press conference. The wind is out of his sail – and is obviously resorting to farting a lot to get it going again. Betting the whole wad on Feb 5th – where he thinks the big ‘libural’ states like New York, New Jersey and California will come to his rescue. Risky and probably bad strategy. MSM still hasn’t figured out that New Yorkers only remember 9/10 Rudy and hate him. Would actually make Bush seem like a diplomat if he was in office, and most people are beginning to see that.
Mittens – empty suit, Ken doll and brings out acrimony like no person can. NO one likes this guy – not even his fellow candidates. McCain loathes him (based on the waterboarding answer he gave a few weeks back), as does Rudy. They completely ganged up on him at the final ABC debate. His final nail in the coffin will be if he finishes a weak second in New Hampshire, but could stay on due to his deep pockets (deep due to having no genitalia, like all Ken dolls). His flip-flopping all over the place has Moveon.org drooling thinking about the ads they can run. Wears way too much Alberto VO5. The CorporateTM wing of the GOP wants him since he is one of them, but the Evangelicals, Inc. wing (those two wings are starting to realize they have virtually nothing in common) hates the fact he is a Mormon. Represents everything that is wrong with America today – corporatism, entitlement, elitism, fear-mongering. Has five sons serving the country – by driving a van around the states with primaries handing out Mitt bumper stickers. Not much respect for the Constitution as he would ask his lawyers about going to war before Congress. Gives good Powerpoint. Pundits loved his religion speech (which mentioned the world Mormon once), but the country yawned or downright hated it. So much for his Kennedy moment. So much for pundits getting it.
Huckapoo – affable, charming, upbeat and batshit insane. Says God is guiding him. Practically says God is endorsing him. Takes the high road every time he opens his mouth so he comes across as the ‘nice guy’ – something that is sorely lacking in any wing or member of the Republican party. And it works. Uses his preacher skills quite effectively, but is really Elmer Gantry. Hunts like Elmer Fudd and kills birds that won’t vote for him. Son is animal abuser. Has ties to some nasty people on the religious extreme front. Is actually really stupid – keeps flubbing international facts and events and like Reagan, laughs about it. Calls a press conference to announce he won’t air a negative ad and then airs it (even puts it on YouTube). Claims floating cross in Christmas message was not intentional – fooling absolutely no one. Drives Republican hatchet people like Grover Norquist, Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh crazy – they HATE (or rather fear) him. The CorporateTM wing fears him because he talks the ‘populist’ talk – and would raise taxes, but Evangelicals, Inc. love him – as one of their own. His nomination can potentially tear the GOP to shreds – he truly is Damien with the 666 on his pate – as bad things will happen to people who cross him. The rich Republicans will attempt to stop him dead in the tracks. Good odds he would lose all 51 states.
John McInsane – the maverick who ain’t, the straight-talker who ain’t, the uniter who ain’t. Biggest strength is that he looks normal, smart, mature and worldly against the other four. Problem is, take him away from those four and he looks regressive, hawkish and insane. Probably pissed off Brian Wilson as he changed the words of Barbara Ann to Bomb Iran – on tape!. Thinks Baghdad is safe to walk around (when you have 80 guards and a vest -- sure), and keeps insisting the surge is working. (Violence is down, but we are no closer to any sort of solution now than we were a year ago). Would stay in Iraq for 100 years. Making nice to the Evangelicals, Inc., a group he once loathed – flip-flop ads getting readied. Die hard Republicans hate him – for a lot of reasons – immigration, his vote against tax cuts, campaign finance reform to name a few. Looks really old -- really, really old. If he is up against the youthful image of Obama or Edwards he has a really really big visual problem. (Think Kennedy-Nixon 1960). Despite all the dog shit on his soles, many would vote for him holding their nose. Could pick Lieberman – the kiss of death.
So there you have it – NONE OF THE ABOVE.