Unintentional hilarity mixed in with sheer frightening terror seems to be the leitmotif for the McCain-Palin Straight Talk Train Wreck, as demonstrated during an interview with NPR’s Steve Innskeep this morning.
Innskeep asked McCain about the bailout bill pending before the Senate – and McCain, in a bit of brilliant sleight-of-hand, thought it would be a good idea to bring up –
wait for it –
the S & L crisis of the late 1980s.
As in, the same S & L crisis which precipitated the then-largest bank failure in U.S. history.
As in, the Lincoln Savings failure.
As in, the same Lincoln Savings that the Keating 5 intervened to try and keep out of the eye of regulators.
As in, the Keating 5 of which John McCain was Number 5.
Yup, he went there. Check this out:
INNSKEEP: What are you saying to your fellow Republicans who see this as basically economic socialism?
[snip]
MCCAIN: [W]hen there is a crisis, that government has to stand in.We did that — step in. We did that in the savings and loan crisis, when we set up the Resolution Trust Corp. and basically bought up bad assets —
INNSKEEP: Are you concerned though that some of these —
MCCAIN: — took over bad, bad assets and then sold them at fire-sale prices, as you well know. So I've been trying to convince them that all of us — I'm a proud conservative, but there comes a time when government has to step in, and there'll be plenty of time to figure out who was at fault, and where all this started, as we know, with Fannie and Freddie, but —
Unfortunately, Innskeep didn’t pursue McCain about his involvement with the Keating 5.
Then McCain, in a Clintonesque moment, tries to parse the word "deregulation," and eventually decides that it’s not the same as "lack of regulation." Huh. Who knew?
INNSKEEP: Do you think, senator, after the last couple of dramatic weeks, that deregulation of Wall Street was still helpful to the growth of the economy? That's something that you said to 60 Minutes a couple of weeks ago — that you thought deregulation was helpful. Do you still believe so?
MCCAIN: Well, I think it depends on what you mean by deregulation. If you mean the repeal of Glass-Steagall, yes, and so did President Clinton, who recently stated that he thought it was the right thing when he signed the bill. But if you're talking about lack of regulation and oversight, of course not.
With all due respect, Senator McCain, Bill Clinton is not running for president – you are. And, for what it’s worth, are you sure you want to use the once-stated position of a man you voted to impeach remove from office to bolster your own cockamamie ideas about an economy that you, by your own admission, know little about? An excellent strategery, I must say.
On Putin-head-watcher Sarah Palin:
INNSKEEP: I'd like to ask you, senator, what specifically do you believe that Alaska's proximity to Russia adds to Palin's foreign policy qualifications?
And, fittingly, McCain’s answer is Palin-esque in its syntax, substance and veracity. I have taken the liberty to add commentary:
MCCAIN: Well, I think the fact that they have had certain relationships, but that's not the major she has stated, and you know that. [Fourth-grade homework assignment: please diagram the previous sentence] The major reason she has stated is because she has the knowledge and background on a broad variety of issues, including probably the major challenge of America, and that's energy independence. And she has been responsible, taken on the oil companies, and we now are going to have a $40 billion natural gas pipeline. [Logic and Rhetoric 101 assignment: explain how the second statement in the previous sentence logically follows from the first] She has oversighted [n.b. Oxford English Dictionary] the natural gas and oil and natural resources of the state of Alaska and, by the way, quit when she saw corruption there. [This is your brain on John McCain’s syntax] She has the world view [n.b., Charlie Gibson – didja get that? There’s your "Bush Doctrine"] that I have. She is very highly qualified and very knowledgeable. [commentary here would be superfluous and, frankly, rude]
This next speaks for itself. (For context, envision the manifestation in the real world of the still-hypothetical - thank God - phrase, "President Sarah Palin."):
INNSKEEP: Given what you've said, senator, is there an occasion where you could imagine turning to Gov. Palin for advice in a foreign policy crisis?
I give Innskeep mad props for having the driest delivery of the funniest line of the entire campaign so far. The fact that John McCain did not break out into loud, choking guffaws at that question speaks volumes about either: (a) his deadpan sense of humor; or (b) his sanity. Based on his response, I'm going with (b):
MCCAIN: I've turned to her advice many times in the past. [Presumably, "the past" means the four weeks since he first spoke to her.] I can't imagine turning to Sen. Obama or Sen. Biden, because they've been wrong. They were wrong about Iraq, they were wrong about Russia. Sen. Biden wanted to divide Iraq into three different countries. He voted against the first Gulf War. Sen. Obama has no experience whatsoever and has been wrong in the issues that he's been involved in.
Whew.
Finally, this whopper about the "kindergarten sex-education" ad:
INNSKEEP: Have you come back to your advisers at any point and said — for example, the ad that ran with your name on it saying that Barack Obama supported comprehensive sex education for primary school students, something that factcheck.org said was wrong. Have you ever gone to your staff and said, "Take that ad off. It's not right"?
MCCAIN: It's factually correct. It's absolutely factually correct . . .
And McCain then says – get this –
[I]f he had agreed to the town hall meetings that I asked him to do all around the country, like Jack Kennedy and Barry Goldwater had once agreed to do, the tenor of this campaign would be dramatically different.
Poor old guy.
UPDATE: In case you won't have a chance to watch the debate tomorrow night, here are a couple of Sarah Palin sentence generators that will tell you pretty much exactly how she'll respond to any question she might be asked.
UPDATE 2: Oops! Forgot the most important thing!:
OBAMA/BIDEN ’08:
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ORANGE TO BLUE:
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