I have put on my Republican thinking cap and have compiled a PRO/CON list in order to make the case for Republican disdain of Arugula and Latte. (Unfortunately, once I tapped into my inner wing nut, I couldn't think of any PROs, so really, it's simply a CON list.)
ARUGULA CONS
- It's a funny word that is hard to say. (What the hell is wrong with just plain lettuce?)
- Arugula is not a highly processed food made with corn syrup by the military industrial food complex, so it must be removed from American diets. (It's un-'merican to eat anything not made with Number 2 corn.)
- It was very popular in ancient Rome, so it's foreign. (If we've banned French toast and French fries, then we sure as hell should ban some "Aye-talian" vegetable.)
- Arugula has the fancy pantsy nickname of "Rocket," therefore it must be a gay vegetable.
- Arugula seeds were once used to make aphrodisiacs. As we all know, fornication is bad and should be pursued ONLY for the purposes of procreating (or if you are taking a wide stance in the bathroom), so anything, even the seeds of leafy greens, that is used for the pursuit of sexual pleasure, either directly or indirectly, should be rightfully ridiculed.
LATTE CONS
- It's another coffee drink derived from foreigners, those "Aye-talians" again. (Maybe we should ban everything "Aye-talian"...oh crap, that wouldn't work, we'd have to make fun of pizza and spaghetti...we could lose an election doing that.)
- Oregon and Washington could become red states if all of the hippies couldn't drink lattes to make it through the rainy winters (then they could go back to California, where they came from).
- They make fancy pantsy designs in your latte foam, so the Baristas must be gay.
- Large multi-national corporations make billions of dollars off of the American people by serving them a very addictive drug packaged in delicious, arty, froth-filled cups--oh wait, that's a PRO. Never mind.
What does your inner right winger have to add?