As a special service to all those GOP trolls and lurkers out there, this recurring feature will highlight the shifting centers of the incredible shrinking GOP universe. The center of the GOP universe is any city or town that is equidistantly as far as possible from the nearest blue states. So follow along in the weeks ahead! It's fun geography and you'll learn about new places--new places to avoid, or to target for future Progressive expansion--in this great country of ours.
Although today's center of the GOP universe is still holding, I am confident that Governor Schweitzer, Senator Tester, Senator Baucus, and all the other fine democrats throughout the state of Montana will soon gleefully re-center it somewhere down Salt Lake City way. But for now:
Today's center of the GOP Universe: HARDIN, MONTANA
Hardin is a town of 3,384 people situated on Crow Nation land. It is 632 miles from Dawson, Minnesota; 636 miles from Pullman, Washington; and 658 miles from Ontario, Oregon. I cheated a little on the distance from Oregon, since it is by foot rather than by car, but if your a Rebublican evacuating on Nomember 5th you can blame the loss of your car on all those illegal immigrants who used to work for former Senator Gordon Smith.
Whatever your means of transportation, you'll find much to admire in your fellow citizens of Hardin once you arrive. Only one in six residents has one of those dubious pieces of paper called a bachelor's degree, and only one in fourteen continued their suspicious activities into graduate school. According to the town's official website there's a Christian church for every 323 residents. Unfortunately there's no Joe the Plumber in town--you'll have to settle for Bob at Bob's Plumbing and Heating, 102 North Cody Avenue, (406) 665-2469. But take care! He might actually be a licensed plumber who votes and pays his taxes, so not the kind Republicans usually like to parade in front of the traditional media.
Hardin's nearest and most famous landmark is The Little Bighorn Battlefield National Monument, where George Armstrong Custer went into battle with far fewer troops than were needed for the task, thus not only wiping out himself and the entire Seventh Calvary but establishing an unworthy precedent for more recent wars of choice. And lest we get overwhelmed by pangs of sadness for the our fallen soldiers then and now, just imagine this image as a metaphor for Republican Senate seats lost in two weeks and in 2010.
The mayor of Hardin, Ron Adams, actually looks like a decent guy and is currently serving his fourth term, after managing the Elks Club, running the Wagon Wheel Bar, serving as Athletic Director for the local High School, and a four-year stint on the City Council.
Last but not least, jobs are hard to come by in Hardin unless you want to buy a farm, but luckily Walmart is looking for sales clerks and a stor manager in Billings, 50 miles away. Happy relocation! But don't get too comfortable; Montana is not going to be a Red state for much longer. I'd rent if I were you, preferably furnished . . .