According to the United States Academy of Natural Sciences:
Some scientific explanations are so well established that no new evidence is likely to alter them. The explanation becomes a scientific theory. In everyday language a theory means a hunch or speculation. Not so in science. In science, the word theory refers to a comprehensive explanation of an important feature of nature that is supported by many facts gathered over time. Theories also allow scientists to make predictions about as yet unobserved phenomena...
Many years ago, I became a bit exorcised about the random outbreaks of spin, lies and outright bullshit which would routinely spew from the pie holes of Republican politicians...usually on, or about, the first Tuesday after a Monday in November. I could not understand how year atfer year, after year...individuals who could barely make change or breath without the aid of a respirator were being sworn in to the United States Congress and tasked witht the duty of representing the interests of those of us who worked harder than most to take whatever God-given abilities we might possess, to the proverbial next level.
After a statistically significant period of time, I developed two theories, both of which were validated in less time than it might ordinarily take for a petri dish to work its magic.
My first theory...
The only thing United about the United States...is that our elected Representatives show up at the same place and time to cast votes on various legislative matters.
Empirically speaking...issues which have the greatest of significance to the people of the 6th Congressional District in Minnesota...have virtually no importance in the lives of the people who reside in the 6th Congressional District of Pennsylvania, New York, or California.
Having traveled more than once, from coast-to-coast and all points in between...and having the opportunity to sit in the homes of people from Norther Maine to Southern California, and from Miami to Vancouver Island, I can state once again, with a scientific certainty, that the only difference beween rural Alabama, rural North Dakota, rural Arizona, and downtown Beirut...is that we have simply not started shooting at each other in this country as of yet.
The problem, from a governmental perspective is that there are nearly as many Senators from either the Heartland or Armpit of America as there are from more urban environs...and in fact, as many Representatives in the House, as there are from both locations.
I am not suggesting that there is NO intelligent life down on the farm. I AM suggesting that there has been a real tendency in those locations for the political process to be dominated by those loud mouthed members of the lunatic fringe that simply could not figure out how to otherwise earn a living in a place where there is no manufacturing base, a limited service economy, and enough stay at home moms, so that operating a day care center was not an option.
Running a successful family farm is a tough job. Figuring out how to exist in East Nowhereville after the only factory in town has been relocated to Pakistan, is also a tough job. The intellectually enlightened from among the local populous...usually figure out how to get by. The rest end up in near $200,000 a year jobs in Washington, DC.
Why?
Because, as in the case of Michelle Bachman, R-6th District-Minnesota...she latched onto a local CAUSE, which made it APPEAR as though she had at least three live brain cells. A fact which may be all that is necessary to impress enough voters in a county whose largest city has a population of just over 10,000 people.
Sure...before Brian calls me a Geek again, I will admit that one of the Counties represented by bachman has a town of 66,000. However, that would be St. Cloud, a semi-suburb of Minneapolis. The vast majority of the 6th District on the other hand is part of Hicksville USA, and dominated by six other Counties whose websites officially indicate that the most significant Factoid of which each is proudest...is the number of LAKES located in each County.
How many lakes are their in Manhattan...which was attacked by terrorists? Would Los Angeles, Miami, Chicago, Philadelphia, or any other major Terror Targets be so concerned about the number of their own LAKES to have that fact serve as the highlight of THEIR official websites?
And...why does it seem as though the people who have the least to fear from terrorist events, are those who are MOST likely to elect Congressman and Senators who speak only of how much they will protect those LAKES from terrorist attacks...and how ANTI-AMERICAN their opponent is, or at least MIGHT BE?
The bad news is...it wasnt difficult at all to prove Theroy 1.
The good news is...Theory 2, in a 24 hour cable news, and enhanced internet accessible environment, has at least the potential to counteract the ongoing negative impact of Theory 1.
Theory 2...
IF YOU JUST LET THEM TALK...they will ultimately GO AWAY.
Sure...you give a trained PR Guy a microphone, and the Limbaugh/Hannity Group will hang around for awhile. But...the fact of the matter is, THEY HAVE NO VOTE in Congress, and...as long as we JUST LET REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES AND ELECTED OFFICIALS TALK...they will ultimately go away.
Before anyone knew her...Sarah Palin had an approval rating of close to 90 percent. A month after she opened her mouth...that same approval rate is under 40 percent, and she is a total laughing stock to anyone other than the same group who first elected Michelle Bachman to Congress from Minnesota.
Before Michelle Bachman made a seriously innocuous appearance on the Chris Matthews TV News Show...she was 25 points ahead of her democratic Opponent in her re-election bid...and on her way to remaining yet another secure Republican vote on any matter which was beyond her level of comprehension or ability to understand. mening of course, that she was a guaranteed vote on EVERY ISSUE.
To the credit of Mr. Matthews...I have been a strong critic of Chris over the last year. he spoke out of both sides of his mouth on Barack Obama, especially in that period before Hillary left the race. He refused to ask the tough questions to Ed Rendell, before Rendell got on the Obama Bandwagon. He kissed the ass of Marcel Groen, because Groen happens to be the Democratic Chairman in a county where Matthews brother is an elected official. And, it seemed for some time like the rumors of Matthews planning a run for US Senate against Arlen Spector or for that potentially vacant seat, were more than dominating the way in which he was running his TV Program.
However...I am not sure I have ever witnessed a more masterful disection of an elected official, than I saw when he JUST LET BACHMAN TALK
In the three or four days since the Bachman interview, her Opponenet...ELWYN TINKLENBERG has raised nearly ONE MILLION DOLLARS, and the very first polls taken since the Bachman interview show the race now to be one where a former 25 percentage point lead is down to single digits. Money has come in from all over the Nation, and ELWYN TINKLENBERG...that household name we have all come to know and love over the last several decades...is ON FIRE!
Bush, Sr., Johnny McNuts, Sarah Palin, Rudi Giuliani, The Shrub, Phil Gramm, Rick Sanatorium, and now...Michelle Bachman...all of them evidence in support of my theory.
McCain bans Time Magazine Writer, Joe Klein from his campaign plane today, because he does not like the way Klein writes about the campaign. Forget the whole freedom of speech issue...Johnny Censor is just not in tune with the Lionus Theory 2.
YOU JUST HAVE TO LET THEM KEEP TALKING...and they will ultimately go away.
Thank you, Chris Matthews, for having MASTERED the Lionus Theory 2.
Thank you Michelle Bachman FOR providing the LAST EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE NECCESARY in order to now suggest that what was once a theory...is now FACT.
Goodbye Michelle.
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