I'll admit that the wonderful "How an umbrella can win the election" diary (you should recommend that one long before this one, I know I have!) put me in the mind frame to write this diary. Well, that and the cinematic masterpiece that is "There Will Be Blood".
But no matter the inspiration, I'm here to give John McCain (or, of course, much more likely his minions trolling the INTERNETS) this bad news. Come election day, just a sip of the 'shake that is freedom and democracy just won't be enough. This year, I'm drinking your bleeping milkshake.
If you're up for some more hate filled liberal ranting, follow me to the fold!
You see John, this is the first time in my life I have ever really believed in a politician. I supported John Kerry in 2004 because it was the only rational thing to do. A war monger was in office, Kerry's name wasn't George W Bush, he was the most likely nominee not named Bush to win...simple choice. But I never gave John Kerry a damn thing. Not a minute of my time and not a dime of my money.
Things are so different this time around it's hard to believe. Barack Obama's message of hope and change has resonated. Despite backing John Edwards early on in the process (sheesh, have we not been doing this for about 3 years now? ha)I quickly came to the Obama camp. And not just in a "he's not the Republican" sense but with actual enthusiasm.
And I'm not the Democrat I was in 2004 anymore. I've given what little I could afford to the Obama campaign. Probably not as much as most of you and I wish I could do more. But that's a pretty damn big step for me to give a politician money.
And I've even helped out! Amazing, I know! I have to credit the Obama campaign that they've found a way for almost every single person out there to help out. Even if you're a little shy face to face and are best behind a phone, they found a way to use you. I suffer from anxiety disorder and the local campaign has put me to good use and made sure I was never not having a good time. And I'd like to think at least one of those people I spoke to will come out and vote for Obama. If I had to guess, a whole lot more than one.
But it doesn't end there. For the first time in my life I've voted early so that I can do something other than vote on election day. Looks like I'm going to be driving a vote day van! Ugh, at least I can put these driving skills I've earned delivering phonebooks twice a year against my will because I can't find a better job in this Bush economy to good use.
So, basically John, you're toast. If I've been drawn out of the shadows into action, I can only imagine there are a million plus like me out there. All driven into action for the first time in their lives and involved.
There's nothing you can do John. I've already exhausted every person I've ever known and personally called them to beg for their vote. I've turned out at least 10 new voters just from my group of current and past friends. When I posted a diary a week ago that started out with "I've got a lot of old friends that are getting back in touch" it wasn't in a non tangible sense. I've literally pulled every trick I had up my rump, all in the name of defeating John McCain.
So, feel free to go all in with your Pennsylvania expenditures. It's gone. Send Sarah back to Indiana. It's gone. Beg the RNC to save your ass in Montana. It...is...gone.
And no, this isn't a diary to slack off. To coast to the finish line. Get off your damn couch or computer chair and DO SOMETHING. Whatever you can to help, do it now. If you have money, you don't need me to tell you where to find all the races you could make a last minute difference in. Just freaking do it.
Because this time around, I'm not just sipping at Democracy. I'm coming with all guns blazing leaving every freaking bit I have in and on the road to drink every last drop of your milkshake John. There's millions more like me doing 10x more than I can do. No shenanigans are going to stop us. Hassle us at the polls if you want, there will be at least twice as many of us there as your supporters.
Your milkshake is gone, John. If you start dealing with that now it might make your next Tuesday not suck quite so badly.