Let's be honest - Over the course of American history, both the Republicans and the Democrats have put up some pretty sorry candidates for president of the United States. On some occasions, though a staunch Democrat, I have pulled the lever for a candidate with little enthusiasm. This year is quite different. I believe in my heart that the consequences of choosing one party over another have never been so clear - or so clearly demonstrated - in the history of presidential politics.
In the midst of the rabid partisan struggle now underway for the presidency, there are the principals (candidates), enemy combatants (partisans), and there are the 'Undecideds'. These are people who, despite every effort over the last year or so to educate them on the issues, the candidates' stances on them, and the unbelievably high stakes involved in this election, have still (allegedly) been unable to make up their minds who to vote for. To those of us who are policy wonks, political junkies, or otherwise more civic-minded than a common amoeba, this attitude is incomprehensible.
So exactly what IS the story with Undecideds? Are they playing hard to get? Are they conflict-avoidant, and therefore simply opting not to zig or zag to avoid taking flack from friends/family/co-workers? Is it remotely possible that they're still asking themselves "Who IS Barack Obama?" as McPalin keeps asking them to do? Are they reluctant to vote against John McCain because he reminds them of a beloved but dotty grandfather figure recently passed from their lives?
The wholly natural - and infinitely cathartic - response to these people would be to get right up in their faces, wide-eyed, with foam flecks at the corners of your mouth, screaming at the top of your lungs, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! ARE YOU A FRIGGIN' IDIOT?! HOW THE HELL COULD YOU STILL NOT HAVE ANY IDEA WHO YOU'RE VOTING FOR?! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME TO KILL YOU, OR ARE YOU REALLY THAT STUPID?!"
Okay, I said it was natural, not that it would be pretty. As good and loyal progressives, we know it's not right to do that, no matter how incredibly tempting and deliciously satisfying it would be. So if - like me - you're in the middle of calls to yet-undecided voters on Obama's behalf, and you think you can't stomach one more witless, half-hearted, hand-wringing, soul-searching call with an undecided voter, take a short break and watch this clip from The Family Guy as Lois learns the secret of getting through to Undecideds. Enjoy!