I received an email from my friend Rob the Republican.
Now, Rob is not a bad guy ... just someone blind in his love for John the Prisoner and Sarah the Hokey-Mom. They have him convinced that raising the top tax rate from 36% to 39% is the difference between capitalism and communism. And that Jesus the Carpenter could not have hired 12 Apostles without tax breaks for the wealthy.
In the interests of my substantial soul and evanescent bank balance, Rob is always trying to convert me to the true path.
So, when I received an email from Rob, I thought, "Here we go again with yet another right-wing talking point fiction ..." Till I read it.
Dear (Bronxist),
Yesterday on my way to lunch at local deli, I passed one of the homeless guys in the area, with a sign that read "Vote Obama, I need the money." Once in the deli my waiter had on a "Obama 08" tee shirt.
When the bill came, I decided not to tip the waiter and explained to him while he had given me exceptional service, that his tee shirt made me feel he obviously believes in Senator Obama's plan to redistribute the wealth.
I told him I was going to redistribute his tip to someone that I deemed more in need--the homeless guy outside.
He stood there in disbelief and angrily stormed away.
I went outside, gave the homeless guy $3 and told him to thank the waiter inside, as I had decided he could use the money more. The homeless guy looked at me in disbelief but seemed grateful.
As I got in my SUV, I realized this rather unscientific redistribution experiment had left the homeless guy quite happy for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was pretty angry that I gave away the money he did earn.
Well, I guess this redistribution of wealth is going to take a while to catch on with those doing the work....
Vote McCain/Palin '08
Your friend
Rob
If, like me, you're an intensely suspicious person, you might think that this could not be happening to all Republicans across the country on the same day ... and that some of them are lying.
But his story is true.
I would not have realized that but for something that happened to me .... just as in my response to Rob.
Hi Rob,
The coincidence is freaky ... we must have just missed each other! I would have loved to run into you ... I know exactly what you're talking about. Because this happened to me:
Yesterday, I was walking by the deli and I saw a homeless guy and he was laughing his ass off. I asked him why.
He explained, "I just saw this overweight, self-righteous, gas-guzzlin' fool walk into the deli. Dude eats two bacon double-cheeseburgers, gets into a huge political argument with his waiter, and comes storming out in tears yelling "You're wrong, you Moslem terrorist lover! I am not my brother's keeper. And Jesus HATES poor people!" And then he gives me 3 dollars before screeching away in a SUV with a SARAH PALIN IS A GENIUS bumper sticker."
I said that sounded like one sad dude, and asked him what was still so funny.
The homeless guy said, "You see my sign -- VOTE OBAMA. I NEED THE MONEY? Well, I need the money for my daughter's abortion."
Your pal
(Bronxist)
ps: Another coincidence! The same thing you describe as happening to you, seems to have happened to a lot of Republicans all over the country around the same time. Curious that all of you are all getting pwned on the same day, huh?
pps: Gonna happen again on Nov 4th. But that last one -- no coincidence.
UPDATE: Please give the user Virago some love for a great straight response below on the redistributing the wealth meme ... And yes this was indeed a chain letter being forwarded, and no, I should not be flip about abortion.