A good friend of mine had posted this on his blog yesterday and with his permission I am sharing with all of you. I found it very entertianing (its written as if you were explaining our current political situation to a child)and its spot on. I thought that you guys would enjoy a break from the typical election coverage, so here is "A Children's Guide To The History Behind The 2008 Election" written by R. Sullivan.
http://saveau.livejournal.com/
A Children's Guide To The History Behind The 2008 Election
I've recently come to a realization. Over the years I've had some conversations and many arguments with people who identify as Libertarian, both online and in the real world, and after the more recent bouts in the last couple of months I've reached the conclusion that Libertarianism is a religion. Not a political or economic philosophy, just yet another exercise in dogmatic groupthink derived from holy texts. In function and practice it's essentially the crack-addled bastard child of Scientology and Amway.
Last month at a friend's blog I was being chastised for not recognizing the Holy Truth of Sound Libertarian Doctrine by one of the regular commenters, and his slew of insults gave me an idea. The following was what I fashioned in response and pinned his ears back with, presented now on my blog with some spelling corrections and minor editing as this critical election draws nearer. If nothing else, it's an excuse to post a blog entry. So, here goes...
-----
A few years ago there was a man named George who convinced a lot of people to give him a Very Big Job. You would think that someone would be very smart and grown-up to have this Very Big Job, but George was actually pretty dumb and a real brat. He got the job because some other people wanted to put someone in the Very Big Job who would let them get their way, and they were very good at saying a lot of stuff very loud over and over again and get a lot of other people to believe it. Even so, another man named Al got more votes, but the people who were trying to put George in the Very Big Job just got some judges to say that the votes didn’t matter.
And so George got the Very Big Job. He had a friend named Dick who came along to help him with the Very Big Job. Well, actually, Dick sort of took over the job and so George spent a lot of time taking naps and going on vacation. One of the things Dick did was bring over a bunch of his other friends who were Very Greedy People. They had a Secret Club where they talked about things that would affect all the other people in the country, but they said that the people weren’t allowed to know what they said or did. A lot of people pointed out that it was Against The Rules to do that, but the Secret Club said that they didn’t care about the rules and had decided to make their own rules, and didn’t care if anyone else didn’t like it.
So nobody found out much about the Secret Club at first. Then some Very Bad People made some buildings blow up and everybody got very scared. George and Dick didn’t say anything for a while and then they suddenly said that there was a Very Mean Man far away who made the buildings blow up. Everybody agreed that George and Dick should send soldiers to catch the Very Mean Man.
But while that was happening, George and Dick said that there was someone else, a Very Scary Man, who helped the Very Mean Man and was going to do a lot of things that were much worse. They said that it was more important to go after the Very Scary Man so everyone could be safe. Some people who had been paying attention said that they didn’t understand how the Very Scary Man could have anything to do with what happened or be able to make other bad things happen, and George and Dick got very mad. So did all the people who made sure that George and Dick got the Very Big Job. George and Dick and their friends went on TV and said that anyone who asked them questions they didn’t like or said they shouldn’t do everything they wanted was a Bad Person. Maybe even as Bad as the Very Mean Man and the Very Scary Man. They asked if anyone wanted to be thought of as being that bad, and most people said no. But some people said that they still wanted proof of what George and Dick were saying. But Dick winked at his friends from the Secret Club and said that the proof was secret and they couldn’t show it to anybody.
Now some other people started getting mad at George and Dick and said that they had to show proof because it was In The Rules! So George and Dick got their friends to say bad things about the people who wanted proof while they went away for while. Then they came back with some drawings and some letters and said that they were proof. Some people said that the drawings and the letters weren’t enough because they could just be made up. Those people got called lots of bad names by George and Dick’s friends and George and Dick said that everyone had to let them go after the Very Scary Man or more bad things would happen. Some people still said that George and Dick weren’t following the rules and were probably lying, but most people were still scared about the Very Mean Man and now even more scared about the Very Scary Man, so they said George and Dick could do whatever they wanted. George smiled, and Dick went back to the Secret Club in a hurry. Both of them said that taking care of the Very Scary Man would be easy and would be over very soon.
Taking care of the Very Scary Man wasn’t easy and it wasn’t over soon. There were a lot of people who lived in the same place as the Very Scary Man, and they didn’t like him at all, but what they didn’t like even more was a bunch of people that they had never hurt coming to their homes with guns and hurting them. So they fought back against the people that George and Dick sent to hurt them. And once the Very Scary Man wasn’t in charge anymore they also started hurting each other because they had been mad at each other for a long time over some other things. George and Dick were surprised by this, and then they got really mad when some other people pointed out that they had been told this would probably happen. So they fired those people. They had fired a lot of other people before who told them that things wouldn’t work out the way they said, and every time they fired someone they hired one of their friends in that place. They hired them just because they were their friends, even if those friends couldn’t do the job that the person they fired did.
Things went really really badly in the place where the Very Scary Man used to be in charge. But George and Dick and their friends didn’t like it when people said so. If anyone said so, George and Dick and their friends said that the person saying so was just like the Very Mean Man and the Very Scary Man. They especially got mad whenever anyone noticed that they weren’t doing anything anymore to get the Very Mean Man who blew up the buildings. But all of Dick’s friends in the Secret Club were smiling all the time now.
While all this was happening, some people started to find out some of the things that the Secret Club did in the meetings that no one was allowed into. It turned out that they were talking about the place that the Very Scary Man had been in charge of. They were talking about taking it over because it had stuff they wanted. It also turned out that a lot of the Very Greedy People in the Secret Club and a lot of their friends had talked about it before when they had another club that wasn’t as secret as the Secret Club. It was called the Project, and they wrote letters to the man who had the Very Big Job right before George and Dick telling him that he should do all the things that George and Dick were doing now so that the Very Greedy People in the Secret Club could take what they wanted from the place where the Very Scary Man had been in charge. They even put the letters on the Internet, but then when more people started to notice and to say that it looked like they were planning this all along they took down the letters and said that everyone who said anything bad about them were liars and Bad Persons. The Very Greedy People in the Secret Club were making a lot of money now that George and Dick were doing what they were doing, and they were very happy and didn’t want it to stop. Not only had they gotten a lot of stuff, they had gotten The Rules changed so that they were the kind of rules they wanted.
And then it came to be time for George and Dick to go, because the rules say that they could only have the Very Big Job for a certain time. Maybe they’ll change those rules, too. Anyway, now some people are arguing about who should have the Very Big Job next. One man who wants to have the Very Big Job wants to change everything that George and Dick did and try to put things back the way they were before, at least as much as he can, and his name is Barry. The other man, whose name is John, says he also wants to change things but his idea of change is to keep doing everything George and Dick were doing. That doesn’t make very much sense.
One of the arguments people are having is about what to do about the Secret Club. They’re not so secret anymore, but they still have things going their way. John, the man who wants to keep things the way George and Dick made them, thinks that the Secret Club should keep having their way. Barry thinks that the Secret Club shouldn’t get their way anymore. He thinks that the rules should go back to what they used to be and that the Secret Club owes something to everyone else because of how they got the rules changed in the first place.
Many people think that this is a good idea. They aren’t sure how to go about it yet, but are happy that at least someone is talking about it and willing to work something out. There are other people who think it’s a bad idea, even some people who don’t like the man who wants to be just like George and Dick. Some of them think that it doesn’t matter how the Secret Club got what they did. They think that making the Secret Club go back to the old rules is bad. They think that if the Secret Club had to give up some of what they got by changing the rules, it’s somehow the same thing as taking everything away from them that they’ve ever gained or ever built, even the good things.
Obviously, it’s not. But they say it is. Some of them say that the only man who could fix things is the Very Cranky Man named Ron who kept saying that the Constitution is all about God even though that word never shows up in the Constitution. He would do a couple of important things differently than George and Dick did, but he said he would do everything else the same. Ron, and the people who like him, not only think that the Very Greedy People in the Secret Club should keep doing the same things that George and Dick let them do, they think that the Secret Club should have even less rules that they have to follow. They say that if they have less rules to follow, everyone will be better off because the Very Greedy People will treat everyone better. The people who believe this aren’t able to point to any time in history where this has ever been true, but they believe it anyway.
The people who don’t agree with the people who like Ron get annoyed with them sometimes. Once someone even lost his temper and used bad words. But mostly they just ask the people who like Ron to stick to the facts, and are puzzled when they refuse to. The people who agree with Barry like him for a lot of reasons, but partly because he’s not like the people who don’t want things to change. The people who don’t want things to change say that that isn’t a good enough reason, and so everyone should support John, or support Ron. That doesn’t make any sense either, but they pretend it does.
Once upon a time there was a man named Thomas. Thomas was one of the first men to have the Very Big Job, and he said that part of the reason for government was to protect the ordinary people from the Very Greedy People. The Very Greedy People, like the ones in the Secret Club, and other people who like the Very Greedy People, don’t like it when people tell what Thomas said, or when they agree with him. They say that it’s the same thing as being like a man who was named Karl, who was born after Thomas had the Very Big Job.
There was once another man named Teddy. Teddy was another man who had the Very Big Job a long time ago, and he said that he didn’t mind if the Very Greedy People got to have a lot of money, but that they had to understand that it was all the other people who made it possible for them to have all their money and the Very Greedy People owed the people for their wealth. He also said that the Very Greedy People shouldn’t be allowed to have Secret Clubs and should have more and more taxes when they got more and more money. He said that the government should have lots of rules for the Very Greedy People to follow and that the government should "supervise and control" them if they got out of hand.
The Very Greedy People in Teddy’s time didn’t like Teddy. They didn’t like him at all. They said he was big and mean and scary. They said that anyone who agreed with him was also being like the man named Karl. The people today who like George and Dick and Ron also say that people who agree with Thomas and Teddy are being just like Karl. They say that because they hope that people who don’t want to be compared to Karl will stop saying that they agree with Thomas and Teddy. That way, they can make people forget that Thomas and Teddy said these things. And then they can get their way, just like the Secret Club.
A lot of people don’t like Secret Clubs. They think that clubs that affect everybody else should have their meetings in the open so that the people can see exactly how they will be affected. Barry wants to have all the clubs meet out in the open. And that’s one of the reasons why why the people who agree with him support him instead of supporting John or Ron.
The End.