In the wake of last Tuesday's decision on Prop. 8 in California there has been much sturm and drang, name calling, protests, and pointing fingers. I wanted to take a moment to see if we (gay and straight alike) can forge a path forward on this issue.
Let me begin by saying that as a gay guy living in New York City, other than making donations, I had very little connection to Prop. 8 in California. Here in New York City we have Domestic Partnerships, but also a very favorable environment with sympathetic elected officials, and now a democratic majority in the new state congress. Our governor has indicated that Full Marriage Equality is a priority next year, and early indications are favorable for passage. Hmmm, this all sounds eerily familiar. I'm hoping that we can avoid a similar situation to what happened in California.
I'd like to start with a couple assumptions (and many may disagree and that's ok):
1 - Nothing short of Full Civil Marriage Equality is acceptible. No "You have all the same rights as non-gay couples but you cannot call it marriage." SEPARATE BUT EQUAL ARE INHERENTLY UNEQUAL. Perhaps this is asking too much, that religious conservatives simply can not and will not EVER go there. In the post Prop. 8 media there have been indications that there is support for "civil unions," granting most benefits to gay couples. Perhaps there is a place of commonality, from which to grow the conversation, but I think that we can't be vague or yielding in what we want - It's civil marriage equality in the eyes of the state.
2 - We cannot get there alone. Great strides have been made in gay/straight alliances. However, with gay and lesbian Americans representing somewhere between 4-20% (depending on where you live and what poll you're looking at) of the general population, even if every single one of us voted for something we would never have enough votes. We have got to enlist our non-gay friends, co-workers, family and neighbors to our cause. This MUST include communities of color and faith. We need as many people as possible.
3 - We've been down this road before. Civil rights are civil rights, and we (the collective "we" not necessarily just gay people) have had to fight for them. Let us look to the past and see what has worked as an indication of what is possible, and the way to get there.
4 - Organize, organize, organize. Let's face it, getting the community to organize is tough, think of trying to herd cats. However I'm optimistic, we've done it before during the AIDS crisis and we can do it again. But let me add this note, WE NEED LEADERSHIP even if it's someone non-gay. Though we may look to Ellen, Mellissa and Rosie, who are great and highly visible members of the community, we need our own Obama - A True Leader.
and lastly...
5 - We have to WANT TO BE MARRIED I know this sounds like, duh, but after last Tuesday I looked inside and had to truly think about this. Do I want to be married? It's a difficult thing to wrap my brain around, growing up it simply wasn't ever something I thought about, I just always assumed I couldn't. I'm sure I'm not alone, but it got me thinking. We have to open our minds to this possibility. In the aftermath of last Tuesday's historic election of Barack Obama, how many people have you met that echoed that sentiment "I never thought it would happen in my lifetime?" Well someone did and now he's the 44th President. We must entertain the possible. We must believe, because every movement started with a moment, a thought. We must be out, have visibility, have pride. We must take ourselves and our relationships and families seriously. If we don't then no one else will. We must want to be married and be prepared to fight for it.
If someone involved with the Prop. 8 campaign wants to chime in on what worked, and what didn't feel free. Let's get this done.