When I helped found the Stonewall Democratic Club of Greater Sacramento, I did so because I believed that if we brought people together--gay and straight--and worked together we could change minds and change the world through love and patience. After losing Proposition 8 at the polls some people are defacing churches. Let's approach our struggle with a different path.
It was British Poet Alfred Lord Tennyson who wrote, "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Today, we may argue that it is harder to have a right taken away than to never have benefited from it in the first place. Like many Californians I was amazed earlier this year when the Supreme Court ruled that gay and lesbian couples would be able to marry. Throughout the year I laughed and cried at friends’ weddings who committed their love to each other before friends and family. And Tuesday I mourned as California voters, by a slim margin, passed a constitutional amendment that will take away that right of same-sex couples to legally marry.
In response to our loss at the ballot box, some organizations have once again turned to the court system to toss out the results of Tuesday’s election. Many people have turned to the streets to protest outside churches, blaming the role of certain denominations for our loss at the polls. This course of action will only set us back. For those who care deeply about marriage equality we must understand that how we lose will determine the path for how we will ultimately win. The path of protest and lawsuits, although it may make us feel better now, will only hurt our fight in the long term and cost us many years before we succeed.
I have no doubt that at some point in the future gay and lesbians will win the struggle for full marriage equality—the data is simply overwhelming. In 2000 2.9 million Californians voted against Proposition 22, which defined in California Statute that marriage is between one man and one woman. Last Tuesday, only eight years later, over 4.9 million voters, 47.5% of the largest electorate in California history, voted against Proposition 8. And the demographics within that large minority prove that in time we will prevail at the ballot box. According to exit polling, 64% of 18 to 24 year olds voted against the proposition. People under 25 simply do not see any issue with marriage equality. They grew up with Will and Grace on television, with gay-straight alliances in their high schools, and knowing many people who are gay and lesbian. We are their friends, their parents, their fellow students and co-workers who they respect, love and admire. So let’s not give them a reason to fear us or give them an excuse to say we are disenfranchising the will of the voters.
I do not doubt that we have work to do. Indeed, 70% of African Americans voted for the initiative. We assumed that Senator Obama’s coalition would also vote against the proposition, and that was simply not true. But just as media pundits declared earlier this year that our country would never elect a black man with a funny name, our nation witnessed that same candidate receive more votes for president than any other candidate for the presidency in the history of our nation. We watched as African Americans both fell to their knees crying and jumped to the air rejoicing because they had finally, and legitimately, won the presidency at the ballot box when 40 years ago Jim Crow prevented them from casting a ballot of any kind. Let that be our victory.
You cannot microwave a civil rights movement. In this era of instant access and gratification, it is humbling that we are simply going to need more time. So let us use that time wisely. We were winning in polls after Californians saw the absolute joy on gay and lesbian couples’ faces once they were legally married under the law. Let’s return to the discussion of our relationships and our families. And most importantly, we need to listen instead of yelling. Success lies in first understanding why so many people are afraid that our families will be talked about in schools, then seeking to teach that our families face the same joys and hardships, celebrate the same holidays, have the same worries, file the same taxes, and overcome the same issues as every other family.
Patience is seldom an easy path, but it is the right one. And when we return this question to the voters in four or eight years, if we replace our cries of anger with tales of love, and if we tell our stories to our neighbors instead of arguing in front of judges, then a wonderful victory will deservedly be ours.